Holiday Preparations

The end of December can be a hectic time for people, especially for those celebrating Christmas. Even if you do not celebrate Christmas, you still have to deal with those who are stressed about travel and gifts, and you have to figure out what to do when almost everything shuts down for a day (except movie theaters and a few restaurants). No matter who you are, it can a demanding time and challenging to get through.

Over the next few weeks, try to use a few of these tips to help from feeling drained and frantic and allow yourself to enjoy the purpose of Christmas (if you are Christian) or enjoy the time off.

1. Be sure you drink enough water. Depending on where you live, this can be a dry time of year and easy to get dehydrated. On top of that, there are often holiday parties to attend and alcoholic beverages to consume. Hydration is also important for you immune system. If we don’t have enough water, we can’t stay well, and this is a fun time of year to be healthy and enjoy the festivities.

2. Sleep. Try to maintain your regular sleep pattern. This will help you feel energized and better able to enjoy the day. Again, sleep also helps your immune system.

3. Don’t overschedule. It's okay to say no to some things. Many times people feel like they have to say "Yes" to everything, especially if it comes to family events! Don’t be afraid to say, “let me check my calendar” to buy you some time to decide if you really want to attend this event.

4. Eat regularly. Have you ever skipped breakfast and lunch so you could eat more at a holiday dinner, but then found yourself eating everything in sight once you entered the party? This event usually happens because our bodies are starving. It's best if you can eat regular meals and then still be able to enjoy the delectable food at a party. It will also prevent you from over-eating and feeling guilty later.

5. Pause. Take time each day to just breathe and remind yourself of what the season is all about. Practice meditation, mindfulness, and/or prayer. This will help you feel centered during this hectic time.

If you are visiting family, be sure you check out our blog from Dec 7, 2009, "Different During the Holidays," for some tips on how to handle some of the awkward situations that happen when family gets together.

Needing some extra help getting through this stressful holiday season? Check out our website (click on the title of this blog) for a special holiday deal on counseling at Greenleaf, where we work to heal the whole.

Different During the Holidays

For many young adults, the “joy” of returning home for the holidays becomes more like apprehension and dread. As you picture yourself walking through the door of your childhood home, either solo or with your new partner or spouse, you hear the questions that will inevitably come your way. “Have you gained weight?” “Are you seeing someone?” “Have you found another job yet?” “When are you going to make me a grandmother?”

Being a 20 or 30 something, the holidays can bring both joy and stress for various reasons. The quarter-life transition has many crossroads, including career definition, new relationships, and family planning. As you enter your adult life, with all the doubts and uncertainty that come with making so many life-altering decisions, when the holidays descend, everyone in your family wants to know what you’re up to and offer their opinion on the choices you’ve made.

“You need to lose weight.” “You need to find yourself a nice girl, what about Mary Smith?” “Why can’t you find a job? Jerry got one three weeks after he was laid off.” In many of these statements, it’s easy to suspect an undertone of “something’s wrong with you.” A person’s twenties are the time for them to become independent from family, and this individuation process can be made all the more challenging by the doubts that creep in when family questions life choices.

Making different choices than other family members can add a particular measure of stress to family questioning. “Different” for a 20 or 30 something can look like being single, married without children, divorced, or making career or other life decisions that seem alternative to some family members.

It’s difficult being the single one, especially when most friends and siblings are married. Not only are people trying to set you up, but part of you starts to feel lonely as you see others live out the life you would like to have. Since over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, many within the first seven years, being a young divorcee can carry with it painful memories that make the blind date set-ups even more or a nuisance.

Being married without children can also distract from holiday cheer for quarter-lifers. First there was the pressure to get married, and you (hopefully) feel lucky to have found someone to spend the rest of your life with. Now, you may have been married less than a year and the pressure starts again, this time about having babies.

Women tend to internalize this pressure to procreate or find a partner more than men, as it’s part of the female evolutionary biology to work on a reproductive time clock. It is particularly difficult to endure questions about pregnancy if you’re trying to get pregnant and have not had success. Yours or your spouse’s family questioning can create a constant reminder of infertility.

Often questions like “When are you going to make me a grandparent?” or “Why aren’t you dating someone?” are motivated out of love and not insensitivity, but a more healthy holiday will ensue if you can draw the line with family between acceptable and unacceptable questions. Here are some tips for a healthier holiday:

• Anticipate uncomfortable or painful family questions in advance and be prepared with responses. It’s okay to answer with statements like, “I’ll date someone when I’m ready. Please don’t ask us about it” or “Glad you’re excited to be a grandparent! That will be a neat time when/if it happens.”
• Stage a preliminary strike by bringing up the sensitive topic first and getting it out of the way.
• Make time for yourself by trying to get 30-60 minutes a day to unwind. Go for a run, read the paper at your local coffee shop, pray or meditate. As human beings, if we spend too much time with anyone, we are likely to disagree, a reality that is especially true with family.
• If you have friends you want to see, be sure you make plans to spend time with them. Your friend might even have it worse off and be able to offer a little perspective!
• Try to maintain your normal sleep and eating pattern in order to help with stress management. Holidays tend to be coupled with alcohol, and proper nourishment will help you keep your wits about you so you don’t say something you regret later.

Mindful Safety

'Tis the season of rushing about, flying from one thing to the next, trying to get one more thing done before the day is finished. When we have so much going on, we tend to be less aware of what is happening around us, including our safety. This holiday season, petty thieves are after small electronics, like iPods, iPhones, cameras, etc. Here are some reminders of how to be safe and protect your belongings this holiday season:

1. As you are racing out of your car, don’t forget to unplug your iPod and lock your car. Don’t leave anything of value in your vehicle.

2. When walking in the parking lot to your favorite store, be aware of who is around you; look under your car and in the backseat before getting in your car after shopping.

3. Do not be embarrassed to ask a security person to walk with you to your car, if anything, just to help carry the gifts you just bought.

4. As you are running out of the house to hit the sales or to pick up your children, turn on your alarm (if you have one) and lock your doors.

5. Put some lights on timers in your house, and rotate them or change the time every few days.

Introverted during the Holidays

The week after Thanksgiving, some of my clients drag themselves into my office and talk about how nice the holidays were, but also how exhausted they feel. This reaction, unfortunately, happens a lot around the holidays for people who tend to be more introverted. Introverted people enjoy being around others but also feel drained by too much “togetherness." On the other hand, extroverts tend to feel energized by being around people.

So, how can introverts enjoy the holidays, and yet not feel completely wiped out by the end of the season? Here are a few tips:

1. If you keep a planner, be sure to schedule some “down” time for yourself to read a book, take a nap, pray, or do whatever it is that helps you feel refreshed.

2. Although you may receive a lot of invitations, you do not have to say yes to every party and gathering. I’ve found that most introverts I’ve worked with discover that one holiday party a weekend, or one evening party and one daytime gathering a week, was a nice balance.

3. Shopping can be overwhelming. Try to hit the stores during less busy times (weekdays), or shop online.

4. If you can afford to, take a personal day during the week to pamper yourself. That may mean shopping, or it could be staying at home, watching a movie and cooking a nice meal for yourself.

Most people look forward to the holidays. If you tend to be introverted, be good to yourself, and allow yourself some down time so you can fully enjoy the season of joy.

World AIDS Day

December 1, 2009 marks our 21st annual World AIDS Day, a day where we see both advances and setbacks in the state of HIV and AIDS. New infections of HIV have dropped and less children are born with the disease because of medical advances, but still, each day in Africa, 4,000 people die of AIDS-related complications, leaving behind children both healthy and sick that have no one to care for them. Discrimination is still widely problematic for HIV and AIDS-affected individuals all around the world, as there are lingering misconceptions and ignorance about the disease itself.

People have even begun to view HIV/AIDS as a chronic illness in some ways rather than a terminal one, despite the fact that it has no cure or vaccine at this time. Prevention programs seem to help, but for every two people on treatment for HIV/AIDS, five are newly-infected, signaling that there are still many groups that need to be reached through such efforts.

The bottom line is, that while HIV/AIDS has largely receded from the spotlight in the United States, it is still a widespread problem across the world that demands awareness and action. Look for ASOs (AIDS Services Organizations) in your area to support if you feel called to do so, like this great organization in the Denver area - http://www.fromhivtohome.org/ - which helps get HIV and AIDS-affected orphans into loving, nurturing homes where they can thrive.

Thinking about HIV/AIDS and their effect on the last several decades can be heart-breaking and overwhelming, but if you want to get involved, it can help to focus on a specific aspect of the epidemic, like working on education and prevention or volunteering for your local AIDS walk. I used to cook meals at a foster home for children with HIV and AIDS, because it was something I knew how to do and a way I felt I could make a difference. How will you make a difference this World AIDS Day?

Just wanted to end this short week with a picture...

Gratitude

People have a lot of different feelings about Thanksgiving. Some choose not to celebrate it, instead spending the time remembering the oppression of native peoples by settlers in this country. Others use it as time to remember part of our nation’s rich history or think about things or people they’re thankful for. People who are recovering from an eating disorder, grieving a loss, or experiencing family discord can have a particularly difficult time with the holiday.

Personally, I tend to have mixed feelings about the meaning of Thanksgiving because of the implications for Native Americans. However, despite having mixed feelings about the history of the holiday, I believe that a very valuable exercise that often comes up at Thanksgiving is expressing gratitude.

When I have hosted Thanksgiving in the past, I ask everyone to go around the table and talk about something they’re thankful for (yes, my friends can verify this!). People seem to dislike it at first, but ultimately it ends up being a wonderful way to get to know people better and reflect on our blessings.

Sometimes it is so easy to only see what we lack or want instead of what we already have. This year, as I reflect on what I’m grateful for, many things come to mind, including my friends, family, spirituality, books, nature, and art. I can look back on a year of memories since last Thanksgiving and notice many people and experiences that have brought me joy. I try to express my thanks and appreciation to people who enrich my life, and I find that it is more difficult in times of stress and worry. However, I notice that if I am mindful of each experience as it happens, it is easier for me to be thankful in the moment. As John F. Kennedy said, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

Expressing gratitude doesn’t only have to happen on the last Thursday in November. Making a gratitude list can be a great way to start every day. Simply take a few minutes when you wake up to mindfully list what you are thankful for, even just five or ten things. You might be surprised about how it changes your perspective for the whole day.

Mindful Shopping

It's that time of year again. Thanksgiving is in just two days, and Walmart already started its Holiday sales while other retailers are eagerly awaiting Black Friday. Even though the recession may be coming to an end soon, many of us are still watching our wallets. If you missed our Blog entry on Finances, you might want to take a look at it. If you already read it, you may want to review it again before stepping out the door or pulling up your chair to the computer.

Here are some tips to mindful holiday gift-giving:

1. Make a list, check it twice. What are you checking for? Guilty gift-giving. Everyone has at least one person they give a gift to, not because they want to, but because they know that person will give them a gift and they don’t want to seem cheap or rude. My advice, give the gifts you want to give and save your money on the rest. Yes, it may be awkward this year, but my guess is next year you won’t be getting a gift from that person. Send a card instead.

2. What are you buying? America is the land of clutter and needless items. I struggle with clutter myself, but when buying gifts, I am mindful of possible clutter items. Think of things your loved ones can use.

3. How Much? Sometimes we set a dollar amount that we want to spend on a person, and then find something less in monetary value but high in personal value, so then we go ahead and buy something else in order to match the monetary goal. Don’t feel guilty about what you spend. The person appreciates the thought, not the dollar amount. Buy what you think will be meaningful to the person, not what satisfies a monetary expectation.

4. Don’t stray from your list, unless you are replacing one item of equal or lesser monetary value.

5. In lieu of presents... Most of us don’t need much, but many out there do. Instead of giving gifts to your four adult siblings with well-paying jobs and their spouses, think about adopting a family in honor of your family, or giving your time to a charity in honor of your loved ones. Ask your loved ones to do the same for you or even join you in the activity. Memories of your time together serving others will last much longer than a material gift.

Mindful Health Care Decisions

On Monday, Nov 16, new Breast Cancer Screening Guidelines were released that raised many eyebrows and caused a great backlash against the guidelines. I may be a doctor, but I am not a medical doctor, and all I can rely on is what my trusted medical doctors say and the studies these guidelines are based on. Whether it's breast cancer, immunizing our children, or controversial questions such as “what really impacts the development of Autism?”, we have an individual responsibility to do our own research into the facts.

20-30 years ago hormone replacement therapy (HRT) was very popular and said to be safe. But if you were an adult during that time and read the research, you may have noticed some concerns and uncertainties about the safety of HRT (of that time, not at present). Later, warnings were put out that women who took HRT were at higher risk for breast cancer, especially those with a genetic risk as well. This is just one example in which looking at the studies that claims are being based on can greatly impact your decision on how you handle your health care.

Part of being mindful is being aware, and one way of becoming aware is educating yourself. Yes, listen to the experts, find good doctors that you trust, but don’t be afraid to do some research of your own. Even ask your doctor how he or she came to the conclusion on treatment, ask her about the studies he or she read about that helped inform the decision for your care.

My point is that we are our own advocates, and if we don’t look into the background of what is being reported to us in the news, we have no one to blame for the personal results but ourselves. Be proactive, do your research and ask questions. There’s nothing more empowering than educating yourself on health care concerns that may personally impact you or a loved one today or in the future.

Mindful Exercise

It seems that every time I am at the gym, the same 2 women are on the stair machine. This isn’t the stairmaster, this is the machine that has actual stairs. These women appear to be dragging themselves never-endingly up the stairs while leaning all of their weight on their wrists, and they look miserable.

My guess is that they are not mindfully exercising.

So what is mindful exercise?

Good question. When you are aware of your body and how you feel within it while you are working out, you are mindfully exercising. You are aware of when you are too tired to do an exercise properly; you notice a slightly pulled muscle when lifting, preventing you from injuring yourself more; you are in tune to your thirst and energy level, which keeps you from overheating and exhausting yourself.

We are coming up on the holidays, after which many people jump into exercise. If you need help being more mindful with exercise to help with your upcoming resolution, or preholiday fitness boost, feel free to email or call us. You don't have to struggle alone.

Meeting the Body’s Needs with Awareness

Ever find yourself at the end of long day and realize that you ate all your meals in the car? Frequently notice that you skip breakfast, shovel a donut in your mouth between meetings, and come home from work starving? Experiencing digestion problems? Haven’t slept for more than six hours a night in the past month?

All of these could be signs of hectic eating patterns that can lead to or stem from overeating, under-eating, weight disturbances, anxiety, depression, and poor health. In today’s fast-paced world, many of us struggle to find time for some of life’s most basic components, such as sleeping or eating. However, we would benefit to place these fundamental activities as a starting point for our day rather than an afterthought.

When was the last time you listened to your body? What did it tell you? Maybe it said, “I need to go to bed early tonight,” or “I’d love some granola for breakfast.” Maybe it said, “Take a walk,” or “Go have tea and laugh with a friend.” Listen to your body's signals. All of the rest of the events of our life happen because we have a body, so take care of it, and don't fool yourself into thinking other things are more important.

Getting into the Gray

Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." This is a quote I think of often, especially when I find myself wishing for (or complaining about!) a situation or change I think is necessary. I try to do my best to advocate for causes I'm passionate about, and I learned a long time ago that the changes I hope to see in the world aren't the only ones I need to work for. The changes I wish to see in myself are also my responsibility.

I think it's easy to make the mistake of waiting on external events to make internal changes. We wait for New Year's Day to start our resolutions. We think a baby will make our marriage better, or we decide we'll be able to get sober once we get a new job. We think weight loss or plastic surgery will make a partner stay faithful, or we tell ourselves we'll stop shopping so much once we stop feeling so lonely. These are examples of black and white thinking, and for many people they lead to a lot of disappointment.

If you want something to be different in your life, very little that happens outside of you is going to be the magic bullet that creates change. You have to make it happen for yourself, to get into the gray area of thinking about your actions, the consequences, and how to live the kind of life you want to have. For example, what will having a baby do for an unhappy marriage? Besides making for a lot of sleepless nights, not a whole lot. Some internal problems at the heart of a lot of these dilemmas are things like dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, depression, and unresolved grief and loss.

When you find yourself looking to an external change or solution to ameliorate internal concerns, ask yourself, "How will ____ make ____ better? What will be so different that I will finally be able to ____?" See what you come up with. Search for the core issue, the thing inside of you at the heart of the matter. Be mindful of your appetites and desires and how to honor what you wish for.

I'm going to conclude with a poem from Audre Lorde, one of my favorite poets, that I think speaks to this point.

Stations
by Audre Lorde

Some women love to wait for life
for a ring in the June light
for a touch of the sun to heal them
for another woman's voice
to make them whole
to untie their hands
put words in their mouths
form to the passages
sound to their screams
for some other sleeper to remember
their future
their past.

Some women wait for their right train
in the wrong station
in the alleys of morning
for the noon to holler
the night come down.

Some women wait for love
to rise up
the child of their promise
to gather from earth
what they do not plant
to claim pain for labor
to become
the tip of an arrow
to aim at the heart of now
but it never stays.

Some women wait for visions
that do not return
where they were not welcomed
naked
for invitations to places
they always wanted to visit
to be repeated.

Some women wait for themselves
around the next corner
and call the empty spot peace
but the opposite of living
is only not living
and the stars do not care.

Some women wait for something to change
and nothing does change
so they change
themselves.

Fall of the Berlin Wall: Mindfulness of Freedoms

20 years ago today it was announced that the Berlin Wall would be no more, symbolizing the end of the Cold War. This picture http://www.winnipegsun.com/news/world/2009/11/09/11685196.html shows numerous people walking along dominoes that have been placed where the wall used to stand today, Nov 9, 2009. The demise of the Wall symbolized more than the end of the Cold War for the German people. It stood for a new oppurtunity of peace and freedom.

Reflecting on this event and all that it means brings me to be mindful and grateful for the freedoms I enjoy each day. Each morning I am allowed to walk out the door without a male chaperon, not need persmission for what I wear, and without worrying about gunfire or mines along the road. I am privileged to co-own my business and be free to practice my trade outside the home. As an American woman, I can have an opinion and share it with anyone who will listen, no matter the message. I can choose to have one child or ten, or none. Theoretically I am seen as an equal to men, and recognize my right to be safe and secure in my surroundings. And the list goes on. I think you get the point.
Although this is a tough time for many people financially, there is still a lot to be grateful for. As you remember the fall of the Berlin Wall, take a moment and notice the blessings you experience everyday.

Colorado Coalition for Girls 3rd Annual Conference

Greenleaf presented at the Colorado Coalition for Girls today and had a great experience attending the conference. The Colorado Coalition for Girls works to help the half a million girls in Colorado reach their full potential. Greenleaf spoke about the impact of eating disorders on girls and how professionals can assist with treatment and prevention.

Naomi Wolf said, "More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before, but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers." The images that girls are surrounded by have changed so much in the past 20 years, and they are manipulated to such an extent that they set an unattainable standard for women and girls. Anorexia is starting earlier and earlier, with girls as young as 7 or 8 believing they should be dieting. Eating disorders are underdiagnosed in women of color but occur as often as they do in white women.

Keynote speaker Nell Merlino, founder of Count Me In (http://www.makemineamillion.org/) and Take Our Daughters to Work Day, spoke about the conference theme: Why Girls?. She said, it will be Why Girls? for her until women are paid the same as men in the work place and have equal opportunities. It will be Why Girls? for us until then too.

Let's help build a world where our girls believe in themselves as much as we believe in them, where they love themselves as much as we do. Let's start today.

Quiet Time

Quiet Time: a time of peace and serenity, with little to no distractions.

How often do you have quiet time? My guess is not very often. In today's busy world, it can be a struggle to find even 5 minutes of quiet. With cell phones ringing or beeping with phone calls, texts, tweets, emails and facebook updates, it can be hard to not always be on edge, aniticipating the next sound. Anticipation and excitement is not a bad thing, but if we are surrounded by it all the time, we become more anxious, stressed, and fatigued. Our bodies and minds were not made for 24 hour stimulation.

What does quiet time do for you?

1. Brings a sense of balance to your day.

2. Decompresses you from daily stresses.

3. Lessens anxiety.

4. It helps clear your mind, so you can return to your job with more focus and feeling refreshed.

So, what does quiet time look like? It depends on the person. Here are some suggestions for you to try:

1. Take a hike, with the phone off and no IPod.

2. Go for a walk in the park.

3. Spend time reading a good book, the Bible, or an inspirational article.

4. Turn off the radio in the car, and just be mindful of your drive.

5. Meditate.

6. Pray.

How do I make time for Quiet Time:

1. Wake up thirty minutes early or stay up for thirty minutes.

2. Take it 5 minutes at a time. One woman would take bathroom breaks and would actually go sit in the bathroom for 5 minutes reading or meditating.

3. Turn off the TV for thirty minutes. You can tape your show or catch up on the news online later or in the next news broadcast.

4. Schedule it in your day planner. If it's written down as part of your day, you are more likely to follow through.

5. Eat lunch during the work day outside.

Comment on how you use quiet time in your daily life and how it has impacted your daily living.

Ten Year Reunion

Today I received an invite, through Facebook, about my ten year reunion. First of all, it’s amazing to think it has been ten years, and now I am receiving an invitation through a source of communication that didn’t even exist when I graduated! Immediately I thought: Absolutely Not Going To This, At All! Everyone hates reunions! So my mind was making some pretty big judgments about what the experience would be like, and of course they were all negative .

Part of being mindful is not judging, and I horribly failed in that moment. But, instead of sending an impulsive, and regretably somewhat snide response back, I “paused”. I often find that “pausing” after having such an emotional response to something, but before acting on it, keeps me from making an a** of myself. Pardon my language.

Part of being mindful is describing the experience. Description helps take the judgment out of it, and balances the emotions with the rational part of myself. So I took some time and described the situation:

1. I got an invite to see people I have not seen or heard from, except maybe once through Facebook, in 10 years.

2. I do not know who is going to be there.

3. I feel uncomfortable not knowing what the situation will be like (feelings are not judgments).

4. I can ask my friends that I am still in touch with if they are going. If they are, I will more seriously consider going.

5. I do not have to respond today. I can wait until after the first of the year.

Okay, so you get the idea. By describing what was going on, I was able to sort out what was really going on (I was uncomfortable about not knowing what the situation would be like). And I was able to come up with a reasonable solution (ask friends and wait to respond until later). Now that's much more reasonable that an embarrassingly shameful Facebook message back to the poor soul organizing this event.

Life is full of surprises, and of unfortunate events such as reunions. But before reacting, take a moment, notice your experience without judgment. You might be surprised what reasonable action you might take.

Financially Mindful

Today is the 80th anniversary of the Crash of 1929 on the Stock Market, otherwise known as Black Tuesday. Many have compared our recent economic circumstances to those of 80 years ago, and yet, many would argue that people in 1929 were worse. No matter who is saying what, the truth is many of us are watching our wallets, paying off debts, trying desperatly to raise our credit scores while saving for a child's education or for retirement. Believe it or not, there is a mindful way to manage your finances. Here are a few tips to help:

1. Make a list before you grocery shop. A list will help you remain focused on what you really need and distract you from impulse buys, like an extra bag of candy for halloween or a silly back scratcher loofa.

2. At the grocery store, be aware of what is above and below you. Items tend to be cheaper on the top and bottom shelves. Notice the generic brands. They tend to be cheaper and just as good as name brands.

3. At the mall, go with a purpose. If you are just shopping for winter gloves, just go to the outdoor store, and be mindful of the section you are in. If you find yourself meandering over towards the skis, notice how nice the skis look (and how expensive), then remind yourself of the 10 year old pair you have at home, and of how wonderful it will feel to pay for those new ones in cash, on sale, next year after you have paid down those credit cards. Then go to Target and get $10 pair of gloves. Stay warm.

4. Online shopping can be dangerous. Have you ever noticed the vacant zombie look people have when they are online? It’s hard to be present when online, which makes it so easy to just click and forget about what you have spent. Before you sit down at your computer, place what you can afford to spend in cash next to you. This gives you a physical representation of cost. Then, before making a purchase, count it out, and then mindfully ask yourself: A: Do I need this? and B: Can I afford it? The answers are usually “NO” and “NO”. At that point, write it down on a “wish list” to give to family and friends for your birthday, and congratulate yourself on not being a zombie and taking action by saving some green.

5. Mindfully cook at home. It's cheaper, it can be fun, and your home will naturally be filled with wonderful aromas that will make you and your family feel cozy and comfy. My boyfriend once told me that when he first started dating me, he loved coming over because the smells from my cooking reminded him of the home he grew up in. Who knows what mindfully cooking will remind you of?

6. BUDGET. Make one. If you have never kept track or counted your receipts, try it this month. Notice where your retirement cash is going. For some of you it may be Starbucks; for others of you, it may be going to Gucchi and Dolce and Gabana. Check out Goodwill, Ross, Target, and Walmart. Great looks, for MUCH cheaper. If you find a cute outfit, put it on hold for a day. You can always come back and buy it tomorrow if you are still thinking about it. OR better yet, ask the sales lady to let you know when it goes on sale (Yes, you can really do this). It’s common to get caught up in the excitement of buying something. However, most of the time you will have forgotten about it in less than 24 hours.

These are just a few of many great tips.

Need help managing money? Check out these books for more info:

Make Money, Not Excuses by Jean Chatsky

Money Smart Women By Janet Bodnar (Associated with Kiplinger’s)

Mindful Mini-Vacation

I spent last weekend up in mountains with some friends. Usually I don’t set goals, per say, for my weekend getaways, but this time I thought I would try to be a little more mindful. Here is what I set out to do:

1. Keep TV and movies and chatter radio to a minimum.

2. Be present and fully participate in the weekend activities with my friends.

3. Avoid thinking about things outside of the weekend activities.

So how did I do? Not too bad, if I do say so myself, and the results of being mindful were amazing. The television was off 90% of the weekend, and there wasn’t any internet available! As a result, I had some amazing conversations with my friends, was able to enjoy knitting a baby sweater I’ve been working on, and I noticed that my body was relaxed. In addition, I left my watch in my bag the entire weekend, and after the first day, I realized the freedom of not having a schedule!

For most of the meals, we cooked. At first, I found myself stressed about there being enough food and hoping there was something for everyone to eat, but, after noticing this undue stress, I took a deep breath, and focused on the cooking skills of my friends and the fabulous food we were enjoying. I learned a lot just by watching and being present. Each meal was eaten at the table, again television off, and the conversation and laugter was like none I have experienced in a while.

Of course work and other worries unrelated to the weekend crept in, as they tend to do, but after noticing this, I did not chastise myself, but rather wrote down what was on my mind (so I could worry about it later if I wanted ;-) and then brought my attention back to the moment. I went for a nice walk with a friend while it was lightly snowing. Feeling the brisk air on my face and admiring the tiny intricate snow flakes on my coat reminded me of being a simple, innocent child.

I’m sure I would have had fun this weekend whether or not I was mindful, but being mindful added so much value and substance to my experience. It also helped me relax more than I probably would have.

Next time you take a mini vacation, try these things to be more mindful:

1. Take your watch off.

2. Turn off the TV and chatter radio.

3. Leave your cell phone off or on silent, and leave your computer at home.

4. Have something else to do: cooking, reading, knitting, hiking, play games or sports

5. Be kind to yourself - gently redirect when you notice you are thinking about work and other worries.

Posting by Dr. Millie M. Riss

Increasing Awareness: Foster Care in the United States

Part of increasing overall awareness is fostering a sense of mindfulness about worldly events. A few of our blogs will focus on some such realities, not to bring people down but to help offer a sense of perspective and action ideas for change.

Today we will focus on the foster care system, which has many excellent people working to make it better but is still increasingly overrun and under-funded. Some staggering statistics:

• In the year 2007, when we have the last reliable statistics, 1% of the population of children and youth had experienced substantiated neglect or abuse.
• At any given point in 2007, .7% of the U.S. population was in foster care.
• 57% of children and youth in foster care meet clinical criteria for a mental health disorder.
• The most alarming of all: Less than 3% of kids who grow up in foster care will go on to graduate from college.

African Americans and other ethnic minorities are also overrepresented in foster care, and once a child enters their teen years, they will likely age out of foster care rather than find a forever home. Teens tend to go to group homes or residential treatment facilities, where once again, there are great people on staff working to make a difference in their lives, but the kids themselves report that they need more: more attention, more love, more belief that they will be able to succeed.

In Colorado, groups of foster youth have worked in recent years to pass legislation that helps put them in a better situation when they exit foster care, like requiring case workers to present them with a birth certificate and a social security card in order to close their file and being able to have more of a voice in court about what happens to them. The kids are working to make changes for themselves, but as a society, we can still do better.

Have you ever thought about fostering, adopting, or even mentoring a child or teen in your community? If you have, pursue it. It makes such a difference to these children and youth to have even one caring adult in their life, someone they can count on to believe in them unconditionally. Remember - "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." (Cortez)

The Sacred

The above photo is from a small town in Texas called Leakey. Leakey has a population of 399 (at least the last time I read the sign!) and sits on the Frio River. The Frio is a long river that moves through the Texas Hill Country, surrounded by sweeping Cypress trees and rolling hills. My family has been vacationing in Leakey for close to 20 years, and it is a sacred spot to me. When I arrive on the banks of the Frio, I feel calm. I dip my feet in and am flooded with memories of family, laughter, food, and fun.

We live in a time where there is little that is sacred anymore. We are so rushed in our obligations that we forget to notice all of our opportunities connect with something beyond ourselves, which is what I think of as the sacred. When was the last time you said a blessing or thought of what you were grateful for before a meal?  When did you last spend a few minutes in the morning stretching your arms and legs, feeling thankful for all they allow you to do? What rituals are part of your day that, when you really think about them, start to seem sacred to you?

As a therapist, I feel like I have the honor of participating in a sacred profession, where I can hear and hold other people's stories. I talk a walk each morning that feels like a sacred time with myself, where I can think, look at the trees around me, and start my day centered rather than haphazard. Certain books and poems are sacred to me. Dinner with my husband over a candle is a sacred time for us to reconnect.

In the wonderful book The Slow Down Diet (2005), author Marc David talks about how a connection with the sacred helps with all aspects of life, particularly metabolism and physiology. He writes this about how to slow down and feel the sacred again: "Allow your body and your outlook to be new again. Let the journey be what it is, because that's what it will be anyway. When uncertainty reigns, let it be your guide. When your inner knowing issues forth, follow it with trust and self-respect... Before you limit yourself with a diet, expand yourself with love. Before you lose a pound, gain an insight. Before you exercise, be still. Before you attempt to cast out a bad habit, thank it for its teachings. Before you harm yourself in thought, word, or deed, pause... Before you seek advice, remember your wisdom. Before you speak, make sure it's an improvement on silence... Before you eat, give gratitude. Before you sit for long hours, dance. Before you arise, bless everything. Before you sleep, do the same. Before you live another day, agree to be here in your fullness." (pgs. 186-187)

Some text (marked with quotes) taken from David, M. (2005). The Slow Down Diet. Rochester, Vermont: Healing Arts Press.

Everyday Tasks

I just spent part of the afternoon cooking and doing dishes. I had several things on my list to cook: banana bread for the new neighbors, pesto with herbs that were going bad in my fridge, hazelnut biscuits for an upcoming trip, etc. I have evening plans, and I found myself rushing through each item, hurrying to wash and put away the dishes and wipe down the counters. Now I find myself with an extra hour before I have to leave, and I realize I rushed through my cooking without awareness. I couldn't tell you about the smell of the basil mixing with the olive oil, or how the toasted hazelnuts looked as I kneaded them with oats and flour. I have little memory of the banana bread, except for the smell of the hot loaves that has now filled my house! (Yummy.) I couldn't describe the feel of the water running over my hands as I washed the dishes, or which towel I used to dry them off. I spent this afternoon constantly focused on the next thing.

In The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh eloquently describes how to mindfully complete everyday tasks. He talks about using our five senses to involve ourselves fully in all we do. After all, every day we have is a gift, and if we aren't present for it, then what is the point? We miss so much, like the feast of the senses that I missed out on this afternoon, constantly thinking I need to hurry, I need to hurry. When we use all of our senses to be present during each moment, even everyday "chores" can become an adventure.

Be present in what you do. Gift yourself with a sense of slowness, and take the time to experience your everyday tasks. See what you discover.

Living with Awareness

First of all, our apologies for neglecting the blog! Things have been a little hectic at Greenleaf and in life. But we’re back with a creative theme to take us through the end of the year that we hope you will find enriching…

Greenleaf will be starting a series of articles on this blog about Living with Awareness. The holiday season can be one of the most hectic times of year for people, making it a great time to really focus in on mindfulness and how to live an aware, inspired, happy life, every single day.

How do you know if there’s an area of your life that could use more awareness? It requires a little digging. An area that could use more awareness is one either that your gut is telling you to tend to, or one that you simply don’t have memory of on a day-to-day basis. Let’s take a few examples. Do you frequently find yourself wrenched from sleep by a blaring alarm, blindly grasping for the coffee pot with your slippers on the wrong feet, and moving through your day from coffee to soda to latte, stomach churning under the influence of all that caffeine? Your gut might be trying to tell you that you need more sleep. Or maybe you often come home from work and find yourself asking your husband about his day, only to discover that he has been talking for fifteen minutes and you have no idea what he said. Your lack of memory of these conversations is probably telling you to bring more awareness to that relationship.

If these examples don’t ring any bells for you, think back through the last 24 hours and see if you can come up with any happenings that seem cloudy or didn’t go the way you wanted them too. Maybe you have no idea what you ate for your last meal, or you can’t remember when you last went for a walk or sat and read a book. Then ask yourself, what area of your life could use more awareness? It could be spirituality, movement, eating, relationships, parenting, self-care, or any number of things.

The bottom line is, this blog series is going to be your chance to think through different areas of your life and see if you are living them in a “present” way. We only get one life, and making peace with that journey involves showing up for all of it, the good, the bad, and everything in between, and learning how to live in accordance with our values.

We hope you will take this journey into awareness with us.

Remembering 9/11

Today I'm thinking a lot about 9/11 and the days that followed... mostly the images, the grief, how much loss and suffering that was experienced all over the world. The President has declared today the first annual National Day of Service and Remembrance in honor of 9/11. Check out the details at http://911dayofservice.org/ and even share your plan of service and commitment to your community.

Also, I encourage you to check out the many articles, photographs, and essays from those who experienced the tragedy or lost someone in it. This one I found to be particularly moving from the NY Times - http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/11/showcase-49/?hp. In the reader comments to that article, I found this piece - http://www.burnmagazine.org/ - which I also thought was highly significant, both the photographs and the comments on the site.

People have a wide variety of reactions to this tragedy, and I think these reactions signify the different ways we experience grief as human beings. Finding meaning is sometimes a way to move forward, not forgetting, but deepening remembrance and significance of the lives of those we lose. Things don't always happen for a reason, and we can still look for ways to learn from tragedy when we are ready.

What is Group Therapy?

Ever wondered how other people perceive you? Feel like you struggle sometimes during interpersonal interactions? Many people find helpful answers to these questions when they utilize group therapy as their change modality. Groups can be an efficient, inexpensive way to maximize therapeutic benefits, particularly when social relationships are part of your presenting concerns. While it may seem scary at first to sit in a room full of people and talk about personal matters, for many, it ends up being comforting to know that they are not alone in their struggles. This sense of community can provide hope for change and support during the often difficult change process.

Greenleaf is rolling out several different groups this fall, one of which may be right for you.

The Healthy Living Group, which meets Tuesdays from 6:30-8 P.M., is designed for people in recovery from an eating disorder, people who feel like they might be entering into disordered eating, and those who feel dissatisfied with their body after a life change or transition (e.g. menopause, post-pregnancy, etc.). This group will utilize a variety of interventions centered around the incorporation of mindfulness into eating, exercise, and the experience of the body and self. It will offer a supportive environment to facilitate wellness for life.

The Teen Stress Group, which meets Mondays from 4:30-6 P.M., is geared toward teens who are struggling academically and personally. The majority of teens report that they are over-stressed. A teen who is isolating, experiencing problems in school, showing mood instability or extreme irritability, or who is experiencing a change in appetite or sleep patterns may be a teen who needs the kind of help this group will provide. Help a teen you know avoid more severe problems like truancy, addiction, or even suicide, by referring them to Greenleaf for help.

Later this fall, Greenleaf will offer support and education groups for friends and family about Eating Disorders. More information will be provided closer to the start of the groups.

Interested in a group? Want to talk more about group therapy in general? Call or email Greenleaf today for your free 1-hour consultation to discuss your needs. 303-478-3466 or courtney@greenleafcc.com. We look forward to hearing from you!

Eating Disorder Foundation

Millie and I went to such an inspiring event last night held by the Parent Committee of the Eating Disorder Foundation. It was a fundraiser for the Foundation, which was begun by Toni Saiber, who has inspired thousands of people with her openness about her own recovery from an eating disorder. Toni has poured so much for herself into the foundation, and her hard work is paying off in the foundation's growth and impact on the Colorado community and beyond. Check out their website - http://www.eatingdisorderfoundation.org/ - and look for their moving public service announcements and an upcoming film.

Seeing the screening of the Eating Disorder Foundation's public service announcements last night reminded me of the many people I have met and worked with struggling with an eating disorder, and the many I have met who have recovered and give back to others trying to move forward in their journey to health. I was also reminded of the people I knew who passed away from their disorder and the impact they had on my life and work. Eating disorders are the most deadly psychological disease. If you know someone struggling with an eating disorder, don't wait to help them find the care they need.

The Eating Disorder Foundation has both volunteer and donation opportunities. If eating disorders are an issue you are passionate about, get involved. There is much education, research, and activism left to be done.

Ever been to therapy and felt like it wasn't worth your time or money? Maybe you found that despite many sessions, you got little relief from your symptoms. If you've had an experience like this, or if you've avoided trying therapy because you think it won't help, you've come to the right place with Greenleaf Counseling Center, LLC.

We are a practice devoted to helping individuals realize their potential through promoting recovery from concerns like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, family disputes, and relationship issues. We believe in empowering clients to find their own capacity to achieve lasting change and freedom from long-standing problems.

We are a different kind of counseling center. We believe in helping each person who walks through the door find the therapist that is right for them, wherever they may be located. We believe that therapy shouldn’t last forever. Change can be permanent, and with the right dose of nurturing and clinical expertise, we believe people can be liberated from problems they may have faced for many years. People seek services at Greenleaf for a variety of reasons. Regardless of why, when they come in they find the nonjudgmental support, unbiased ear, and honest feedback they need to take the control over their lives.

If you're hesitant, we understand. Come in for your free consultation, where you will be able to experience Greenleaf and see what it would be like to be a client. You can interview us, tell us what you're looking for, and we will be open about whether or not we can help. If we can't meet your needs adequately, we will help you find someone who can. That is our commitment to you.

Looking for group treatment? Groups can be a cost-effective, unique way to learn about yourself and how you interact with others. Greenleaf is beginning a Healthy Living Group this fall, which may be right for you if you've ever had an eating disorder and have continued concerns about your eating. The group will incorporate cutting edge treatment modalities and be an on-going source of support for you as you move forward in your journey with food and your body. 

If you're interested in a free consultation, please visit our website - www.greenleafcc.com - or give us a call at 303-478-3466. We'd love to hear from you!