Just wanted to end this short week with a picture...

Gratitude

People have a lot of different feelings about Thanksgiving. Some choose not to celebrate it, instead spending the time remembering the oppression of native peoples by settlers in this country. Others use it as time to remember part of our nation’s rich history or think about things or people they’re thankful for. People who are recovering from an eating disorder, grieving a loss, or experiencing family discord can have a particularly difficult time with the holiday.

Personally, I tend to have mixed feelings about the meaning of Thanksgiving because of the implications for Native Americans. However, despite having mixed feelings about the history of the holiday, I believe that a very valuable exercise that often comes up at Thanksgiving is expressing gratitude.

When I have hosted Thanksgiving in the past, I ask everyone to go around the table and talk about something they’re thankful for (yes, my friends can verify this!). People seem to dislike it at first, but ultimately it ends up being a wonderful way to get to know people better and reflect on our blessings.

Sometimes it is so easy to only see what we lack or want instead of what we already have. This year, as I reflect on what I’m grateful for, many things come to mind, including my friends, family, spirituality, books, nature, and art. I can look back on a year of memories since last Thanksgiving and notice many people and experiences that have brought me joy. I try to express my thanks and appreciation to people who enrich my life, and I find that it is more difficult in times of stress and worry. However, I notice that if I am mindful of each experience as it happens, it is easier for me to be thankful in the moment. As John F. Kennedy said, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

Expressing gratitude doesn’t only have to happen on the last Thursday in November. Making a gratitude list can be a great way to start every day. Simply take a few minutes when you wake up to mindfully list what you are thankful for, even just five or ten things. You might be surprised about how it changes your perspective for the whole day.

Mindful Shopping

It's that time of year again. Thanksgiving is in just two days, and Walmart already started its Holiday sales while other retailers are eagerly awaiting Black Friday. Even though the recession may be coming to an end soon, many of us are still watching our wallets. If you missed our Blog entry on Finances, you might want to take a look at it. If you already read it, you may want to review it again before stepping out the door or pulling up your chair to the computer.

Here are some tips to mindful holiday gift-giving:

1. Make a list, check it twice. What are you checking for? Guilty gift-giving. Everyone has at least one person they give a gift to, not because they want to, but because they know that person will give them a gift and they don’t want to seem cheap or rude. My advice, give the gifts you want to give and save your money on the rest. Yes, it may be awkward this year, but my guess is next year you won’t be getting a gift from that person. Send a card instead.

2. What are you buying? America is the land of clutter and needless items. I struggle with clutter myself, but when buying gifts, I am mindful of possible clutter items. Think of things your loved ones can use.

3. How Much? Sometimes we set a dollar amount that we want to spend on a person, and then find something less in monetary value but high in personal value, so then we go ahead and buy something else in order to match the monetary goal. Don’t feel guilty about what you spend. The person appreciates the thought, not the dollar amount. Buy what you think will be meaningful to the person, not what satisfies a monetary expectation.

4. Don’t stray from your list, unless you are replacing one item of equal or lesser monetary value.

5. In lieu of presents... Most of us don’t need much, but many out there do. Instead of giving gifts to your four adult siblings with well-paying jobs and their spouses, think about adopting a family in honor of your family, or giving your time to a charity in honor of your loved ones. Ask your loved ones to do the same for you or even join you in the activity. Memories of your time together serving others will last much longer than a material gift.

Mindful Health Care Decisions

On Monday, Nov 16, new Breast Cancer Screening Guidelines were released that raised many eyebrows and caused a great backlash against the guidelines. I may be a doctor, but I am not a medical doctor, and all I can rely on is what my trusted medical doctors say and the studies these guidelines are based on. Whether it's breast cancer, immunizing our children, or controversial questions such as “what really impacts the development of Autism?”, we have an individual responsibility to do our own research into the facts.

20-30 years ago hormone replacement therapy (HRT) was very popular and said to be safe. But if you were an adult during that time and read the research, you may have noticed some concerns and uncertainties about the safety of HRT (of that time, not at present). Later, warnings were put out that women who took HRT were at higher risk for breast cancer, especially those with a genetic risk as well. This is just one example in which looking at the studies that claims are being based on can greatly impact your decision on how you handle your health care.

Part of being mindful is being aware, and one way of becoming aware is educating yourself. Yes, listen to the experts, find good doctors that you trust, but don’t be afraid to do some research of your own. Even ask your doctor how he or she came to the conclusion on treatment, ask her about the studies he or she read about that helped inform the decision for your care.

My point is that we are our own advocates, and if we don’t look into the background of what is being reported to us in the news, we have no one to blame for the personal results but ourselves. Be proactive, do your research and ask questions. There’s nothing more empowering than educating yourself on health care concerns that may personally impact you or a loved one today or in the future.

Mindful Exercise

It seems that every time I am at the gym, the same 2 women are on the stair machine. This isn’t the stairmaster, this is the machine that has actual stairs. These women appear to be dragging themselves never-endingly up the stairs while leaning all of their weight on their wrists, and they look miserable.

My guess is that they are not mindfully exercising.

So what is mindful exercise?

Good question. When you are aware of your body and how you feel within it while you are working out, you are mindfully exercising. You are aware of when you are too tired to do an exercise properly; you notice a slightly pulled muscle when lifting, preventing you from injuring yourself more; you are in tune to your thirst and energy level, which keeps you from overheating and exhausting yourself.

We are coming up on the holidays, after which many people jump into exercise. If you need help being more mindful with exercise to help with your upcoming resolution, or preholiday fitness boost, feel free to email or call us. You don't have to struggle alone.

Meeting the Body’s Needs with Awareness

Ever find yourself at the end of long day and realize that you ate all your meals in the car? Frequently notice that you skip breakfast, shovel a donut in your mouth between meetings, and come home from work starving? Experiencing digestion problems? Haven’t slept for more than six hours a night in the past month?

All of these could be signs of hectic eating patterns that can lead to or stem from overeating, under-eating, weight disturbances, anxiety, depression, and poor health. In today’s fast-paced world, many of us struggle to find time for some of life’s most basic components, such as sleeping or eating. However, we would benefit to place these fundamental activities as a starting point for our day rather than an afterthought.

When was the last time you listened to your body? What did it tell you? Maybe it said, “I need to go to bed early tonight,” or “I’d love some granola for breakfast.” Maybe it said, “Take a walk,” or “Go have tea and laugh with a friend.” Listen to your body's signals. All of the rest of the events of our life happen because we have a body, so take care of it, and don't fool yourself into thinking other things are more important.

Getting into the Gray

Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." This is a quote I think of often, especially when I find myself wishing for (or complaining about!) a situation or change I think is necessary. I try to do my best to advocate for causes I'm passionate about, and I learned a long time ago that the changes I hope to see in the world aren't the only ones I need to work for. The changes I wish to see in myself are also my responsibility.

I think it's easy to make the mistake of waiting on external events to make internal changes. We wait for New Year's Day to start our resolutions. We think a baby will make our marriage better, or we decide we'll be able to get sober once we get a new job. We think weight loss or plastic surgery will make a partner stay faithful, or we tell ourselves we'll stop shopping so much once we stop feeling so lonely. These are examples of black and white thinking, and for many people they lead to a lot of disappointment.

If you want something to be different in your life, very little that happens outside of you is going to be the magic bullet that creates change. You have to make it happen for yourself, to get into the gray area of thinking about your actions, the consequences, and how to live the kind of life you want to have. For example, what will having a baby do for an unhappy marriage? Besides making for a lot of sleepless nights, not a whole lot. Some internal problems at the heart of a lot of these dilemmas are things like dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, depression, and unresolved grief and loss.

When you find yourself looking to an external change or solution to ameliorate internal concerns, ask yourself, "How will ____ make ____ better? What will be so different that I will finally be able to ____?" See what you come up with. Search for the core issue, the thing inside of you at the heart of the matter. Be mindful of your appetites and desires and how to honor what you wish for.

I'm going to conclude with a poem from Audre Lorde, one of my favorite poets, that I think speaks to this point.

Stations
by Audre Lorde

Some women love to wait for life
for a ring in the June light
for a touch of the sun to heal them
for another woman's voice
to make them whole
to untie their hands
put words in their mouths
form to the passages
sound to their screams
for some other sleeper to remember
their future
their past.

Some women wait for their right train
in the wrong station
in the alleys of morning
for the noon to holler
the night come down.

Some women wait for love
to rise up
the child of their promise
to gather from earth
what they do not plant
to claim pain for labor
to become
the tip of an arrow
to aim at the heart of now
but it never stays.

Some women wait for visions
that do not return
where they were not welcomed
naked
for invitations to places
they always wanted to visit
to be repeated.

Some women wait for themselves
around the next corner
and call the empty spot peace
but the opposite of living
is only not living
and the stars do not care.

Some women wait for something to change
and nothing does change
so they change
themselves.

Fall of the Berlin Wall: Mindfulness of Freedoms

20 years ago today it was announced that the Berlin Wall would be no more, symbolizing the end of the Cold War. This picture http://www.winnipegsun.com/news/world/2009/11/09/11685196.html shows numerous people walking along dominoes that have been placed where the wall used to stand today, Nov 9, 2009. The demise of the Wall symbolized more than the end of the Cold War for the German people. It stood for a new oppurtunity of peace and freedom.

Reflecting on this event and all that it means brings me to be mindful and grateful for the freedoms I enjoy each day. Each morning I am allowed to walk out the door without a male chaperon, not need persmission for what I wear, and without worrying about gunfire or mines along the road. I am privileged to co-own my business and be free to practice my trade outside the home. As an American woman, I can have an opinion and share it with anyone who will listen, no matter the message. I can choose to have one child or ten, or none. Theoretically I am seen as an equal to men, and recognize my right to be safe and secure in my surroundings. And the list goes on. I think you get the point.
Although this is a tough time for many people financially, there is still a lot to be grateful for. As you remember the fall of the Berlin Wall, take a moment and notice the blessings you experience everyday.

Colorado Coalition for Girls 3rd Annual Conference

Greenleaf presented at the Colorado Coalition for Girls today and had a great experience attending the conference. The Colorado Coalition for Girls works to help the half a million girls in Colorado reach their full potential. Greenleaf spoke about the impact of eating disorders on girls and how professionals can assist with treatment and prevention.

Naomi Wolf said, "More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before, but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers." The images that girls are surrounded by have changed so much in the past 20 years, and they are manipulated to such an extent that they set an unattainable standard for women and girls. Anorexia is starting earlier and earlier, with girls as young as 7 or 8 believing they should be dieting. Eating disorders are underdiagnosed in women of color but occur as often as they do in white women.

Keynote speaker Nell Merlino, founder of Count Me In (http://www.makemineamillion.org/) and Take Our Daughters to Work Day, spoke about the conference theme: Why Girls?. She said, it will be Why Girls? for her until women are paid the same as men in the work place and have equal opportunities. It will be Why Girls? for us until then too.

Let's help build a world where our girls believe in themselves as much as we believe in them, where they love themselves as much as we do. Let's start today.

Quiet Time

Quiet Time: a time of peace and serenity, with little to no distractions.

How often do you have quiet time? My guess is not very often. In today's busy world, it can be a struggle to find even 5 minutes of quiet. With cell phones ringing or beeping with phone calls, texts, tweets, emails and facebook updates, it can be hard to not always be on edge, aniticipating the next sound. Anticipation and excitement is not a bad thing, but if we are surrounded by it all the time, we become more anxious, stressed, and fatigued. Our bodies and minds were not made for 24 hour stimulation.

What does quiet time do for you?

1. Brings a sense of balance to your day.

2. Decompresses you from daily stresses.

3. Lessens anxiety.

4. It helps clear your mind, so you can return to your job with more focus and feeling refreshed.

So, what does quiet time look like? It depends on the person. Here are some suggestions for you to try:

1. Take a hike, with the phone off and no IPod.

2. Go for a walk in the park.

3. Spend time reading a good book, the Bible, or an inspirational article.

4. Turn off the radio in the car, and just be mindful of your drive.

5. Meditate.

6. Pray.

How do I make time for Quiet Time:

1. Wake up thirty minutes early or stay up for thirty minutes.

2. Take it 5 minutes at a time. One woman would take bathroom breaks and would actually go sit in the bathroom for 5 minutes reading or meditating.

3. Turn off the TV for thirty minutes. You can tape your show or catch up on the news online later or in the next news broadcast.

4. Schedule it in your day planner. If it's written down as part of your day, you are more likely to follow through.

5. Eat lunch during the work day outside.

Comment on how you use quiet time in your daily life and how it has impacted your daily living.

Ten Year Reunion

Today I received an invite, through Facebook, about my ten year reunion. First of all, it’s amazing to think it has been ten years, and now I am receiving an invitation through a source of communication that didn’t even exist when I graduated! Immediately I thought: Absolutely Not Going To This, At All! Everyone hates reunions! So my mind was making some pretty big judgments about what the experience would be like, and of course they were all negative .

Part of being mindful is not judging, and I horribly failed in that moment. But, instead of sending an impulsive, and regretably somewhat snide response back, I “paused”. I often find that “pausing” after having such an emotional response to something, but before acting on it, keeps me from making an a** of myself. Pardon my language.

Part of being mindful is describing the experience. Description helps take the judgment out of it, and balances the emotions with the rational part of myself. So I took some time and described the situation:

1. I got an invite to see people I have not seen or heard from, except maybe once through Facebook, in 10 years.

2. I do not know who is going to be there.

3. I feel uncomfortable not knowing what the situation will be like (feelings are not judgments).

4. I can ask my friends that I am still in touch with if they are going. If they are, I will more seriously consider going.

5. I do not have to respond today. I can wait until after the first of the year.

Okay, so you get the idea. By describing what was going on, I was able to sort out what was really going on (I was uncomfortable about not knowing what the situation would be like). And I was able to come up with a reasonable solution (ask friends and wait to respond until later). Now that's much more reasonable that an embarrassingly shameful Facebook message back to the poor soul organizing this event.

Life is full of surprises, and of unfortunate events such as reunions. But before reacting, take a moment, notice your experience without judgment. You might be surprised what reasonable action you might take.