Holiday Preparations

The end of December can be a hectic time for people, especially for those celebrating Christmas. Even if you do not celebrate Christmas, you still have to deal with those who are stressed about travel and gifts, and you have to figure out what to do when almost everything shuts down for a day (except movie theaters and a few restaurants). No matter who you are, it can a demanding time and challenging to get through.

Over the next few weeks, try to use a few of these tips to help from feeling drained and frantic and allow yourself to enjoy the purpose of Christmas (if you are Christian) or enjoy the time off.

1. Be sure you drink enough water. Depending on where you live, this can be a dry time of year and easy to get dehydrated. On top of that, there are often holiday parties to attend and alcoholic beverages to consume. Hydration is also important for you immune system. If we don’t have enough water, we can’t stay well, and this is a fun time of year to be healthy and enjoy the festivities.

2. Sleep. Try to maintain your regular sleep pattern. This will help you feel energized and better able to enjoy the day. Again, sleep also helps your immune system.

3. Don’t overschedule. It's okay to say no to some things. Many times people feel like they have to say "Yes" to everything, especially if it comes to family events! Don’t be afraid to say, “let me check my calendar” to buy you some time to decide if you really want to attend this event.

4. Eat regularly. Have you ever skipped breakfast and lunch so you could eat more at a holiday dinner, but then found yourself eating everything in sight once you entered the party? This event usually happens because our bodies are starving. It's best if you can eat regular meals and then still be able to enjoy the delectable food at a party. It will also prevent you from over-eating and feeling guilty later.

5. Pause. Take time each day to just breathe and remind yourself of what the season is all about. Practice meditation, mindfulness, and/or prayer. This will help you feel centered during this hectic time.

If you are visiting family, be sure you check out our blog from Dec 7, 2009, "Different During the Holidays," for some tips on how to handle some of the awkward situations that happen when family gets together.

Needing some extra help getting through this stressful holiday season? Check out our website (click on the title of this blog) for a special holiday deal on counseling at Greenleaf, where we work to heal the whole.

Different During the Holidays

For many young adults, the “joy” of returning home for the holidays becomes more like apprehension and dread. As you picture yourself walking through the door of your childhood home, either solo or with your new partner or spouse, you hear the questions that will inevitably come your way. “Have you gained weight?” “Are you seeing someone?” “Have you found another job yet?” “When are you going to make me a grandmother?”

Being a 20 or 30 something, the holidays can bring both joy and stress for various reasons. The quarter-life transition has many crossroads, including career definition, new relationships, and family planning. As you enter your adult life, with all the doubts and uncertainty that come with making so many life-altering decisions, when the holidays descend, everyone in your family wants to know what you’re up to and offer their opinion on the choices you’ve made.

“You need to lose weight.” “You need to find yourself a nice girl, what about Mary Smith?” “Why can’t you find a job? Jerry got one three weeks after he was laid off.” In many of these statements, it’s easy to suspect an undertone of “something’s wrong with you.” A person’s twenties are the time for them to become independent from family, and this individuation process can be made all the more challenging by the doubts that creep in when family questions life choices.

Making different choices than other family members can add a particular measure of stress to family questioning. “Different” for a 20 or 30 something can look like being single, married without children, divorced, or making career or other life decisions that seem alternative to some family members.

It’s difficult being the single one, especially when most friends and siblings are married. Not only are people trying to set you up, but part of you starts to feel lonely as you see others live out the life you would like to have. Since over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, many within the first seven years, being a young divorcee can carry with it painful memories that make the blind date set-ups even more or a nuisance.

Being married without children can also distract from holiday cheer for quarter-lifers. First there was the pressure to get married, and you (hopefully) feel lucky to have found someone to spend the rest of your life with. Now, you may have been married less than a year and the pressure starts again, this time about having babies.

Women tend to internalize this pressure to procreate or find a partner more than men, as it’s part of the female evolutionary biology to work on a reproductive time clock. It is particularly difficult to endure questions about pregnancy if you’re trying to get pregnant and have not had success. Yours or your spouse’s family questioning can create a constant reminder of infertility.

Often questions like “When are you going to make me a grandparent?” or “Why aren’t you dating someone?” are motivated out of love and not insensitivity, but a more healthy holiday will ensue if you can draw the line with family between acceptable and unacceptable questions. Here are some tips for a healthier holiday:

• Anticipate uncomfortable or painful family questions in advance and be prepared with responses. It’s okay to answer with statements like, “I’ll date someone when I’m ready. Please don’t ask us about it” or “Glad you’re excited to be a grandparent! That will be a neat time when/if it happens.”
• Stage a preliminary strike by bringing up the sensitive topic first and getting it out of the way.
• Make time for yourself by trying to get 30-60 minutes a day to unwind. Go for a run, read the paper at your local coffee shop, pray or meditate. As human beings, if we spend too much time with anyone, we are likely to disagree, a reality that is especially true with family.
• If you have friends you want to see, be sure you make plans to spend time with them. Your friend might even have it worse off and be able to offer a little perspective!
• Try to maintain your normal sleep and eating pattern in order to help with stress management. Holidays tend to be coupled with alcohol, and proper nourishment will help you keep your wits about you so you don’t say something you regret later.

Mindful Safety

'Tis the season of rushing about, flying from one thing to the next, trying to get one more thing done before the day is finished. When we have so much going on, we tend to be less aware of what is happening around us, including our safety. This holiday season, petty thieves are after small electronics, like iPods, iPhones, cameras, etc. Here are some reminders of how to be safe and protect your belongings this holiday season:

1. As you are racing out of your car, don’t forget to unplug your iPod and lock your car. Don’t leave anything of value in your vehicle.

2. When walking in the parking lot to your favorite store, be aware of who is around you; look under your car and in the backseat before getting in your car after shopping.

3. Do not be embarrassed to ask a security person to walk with you to your car, if anything, just to help carry the gifts you just bought.

4. As you are running out of the house to hit the sales or to pick up your children, turn on your alarm (if you have one) and lock your doors.

5. Put some lights on timers in your house, and rotate them or change the time every few days.

Introverted during the Holidays

The week after Thanksgiving, some of my clients drag themselves into my office and talk about how nice the holidays were, but also how exhausted they feel. This reaction, unfortunately, happens a lot around the holidays for people who tend to be more introverted. Introverted people enjoy being around others but also feel drained by too much “togetherness." On the other hand, extroverts tend to feel energized by being around people.

So, how can introverts enjoy the holidays, and yet not feel completely wiped out by the end of the season? Here are a few tips:

1. If you keep a planner, be sure to schedule some “down” time for yourself to read a book, take a nap, pray, or do whatever it is that helps you feel refreshed.

2. Although you may receive a lot of invitations, you do not have to say yes to every party and gathering. I’ve found that most introverts I’ve worked with discover that one holiday party a weekend, or one evening party and one daytime gathering a week, was a nice balance.

3. Shopping can be overwhelming. Try to hit the stores during less busy times (weekdays), or shop online.

4. If you can afford to, take a personal day during the week to pamper yourself. That may mean shopping, or it could be staying at home, watching a movie and cooking a nice meal for yourself.

Most people look forward to the holidays. If you tend to be introverted, be good to yourself, and allow yourself some down time so you can fully enjoy the season of joy.

World AIDS Day

December 1, 2009 marks our 21st annual World AIDS Day, a day where we see both advances and setbacks in the state of HIV and AIDS. New infections of HIV have dropped and less children are born with the disease because of medical advances, but still, each day in Africa, 4,000 people die of AIDS-related complications, leaving behind children both healthy and sick that have no one to care for them. Discrimination is still widely problematic for HIV and AIDS-affected individuals all around the world, as there are lingering misconceptions and ignorance about the disease itself.

People have even begun to view HIV/AIDS as a chronic illness in some ways rather than a terminal one, despite the fact that it has no cure or vaccine at this time. Prevention programs seem to help, but for every two people on treatment for HIV/AIDS, five are newly-infected, signaling that there are still many groups that need to be reached through such efforts.

The bottom line is, that while HIV/AIDS has largely receded from the spotlight in the United States, it is still a widespread problem across the world that demands awareness and action. Look for ASOs (AIDS Services Organizations) in your area to support if you feel called to do so, like this great organization in the Denver area - http://www.fromhivtohome.org/ - which helps get HIV and AIDS-affected orphans into loving, nurturing homes where they can thrive.

Thinking about HIV/AIDS and their effect on the last several decades can be heart-breaking and overwhelming, but if you want to get involved, it can help to focus on a specific aspect of the epidemic, like working on education and prevention or volunteering for your local AIDS walk. I used to cook meals at a foster home for children with HIV and AIDS, because it was something I knew how to do and a way I felt I could make a difference. How will you make a difference this World AIDS Day?