Infertility and Body Image

Our last blog post linked to the "Booty Pops" story on 9news, which talked about young women and body image. Specifically, young women wearing padded underwear to make for a rounder behind. The premise of the story, as we stated, was the idea that women might be starting to embrace curves more than the thin ideal.

Today, however, I wanted to talk about a different side of a body image. In the "Booty Pops" story, I (Courtney) am quoted saying that here at Greenleaf, we try to encourage women to focus on the function of their body instead of the form. Our bodies allow us to do so many things, and it is important to celebrate those things instead of pick apart our imperfections. However, women struggling with infertility are betrayed by the function of their body as well.

As girls, we are basically indoctrinated to the idea that one day we will be mothers. For many, becoming a mother is as easy as... well, you know. But for others, it is not so simple. Some women spend years trying to get pregnant, and they spend much of those years agonizing over the betrayal of their bodies to fulfill this basic genetic function. Products of evolution, it is deeply encoded in us to reproduce (ever heard that clock just ticking away?), and more than that, we live in a society where motherhood is almost expected. Childless couples are usually peppered with questions about the whens and the whys of their choices about children, when really this may be a very painful subject for them.

I recently heard a statistic that women who become involved with infertility support groups significantly increase their chances of conception. If you are struggling with infertility, don't be ashamed, and don't hesitate to get support. Learning to trust your body again is possible.

Greenleaf in the News: Booty Pops

Last week, Greenleaf was on Channel 9 news talking about body image in a story about "Booty Pops" underwear, a new fad especially popular with teens. The discussion relates to the possibility of a paradigm shift, where women are beginning to embrace curves instead of an ultra-thin ideal. At Greenleaf, we encourage body acceptance through focusing on function over form as it relates to the body. Our bodies are always changing, and we cannot predict what will happen to them over time. However, each day we can love and celebrate our bodies for all they allow us to do, like hug the people we love or ski down a mountain on a sunny day.

Check out the story and video here:

http://www.9news.com/rss/story.aspx?storyid=181650

Support Through Community

I (Courtney) spent last weekend at a female-only family reunion. Every year, the women in my husband's family get together for a special weekend of bonding through spending time together. When I first married my husband, I thought it was such a unique thing that the women prioritized time together every year. They welcomed me into their circle, and each year since I've been part of this gathering, our group has grown.

This past weekend, as we discussed the challenges and celebrations in each of our lives over the past year, I was reminded of the importance of receiving support from others. Developmentally, women thrive in relationship with others, including community both with men and other women. I feel so fortunate to be able to receive wisdom from women of several generations, and these various perspectives offer me support in my variety of life roles.

I don't think we were made to go about our lives alone. Our species survived by forming tribes and communities, and it seems like our society is increasingly moving toward isolation, even with all the social networking opportunities available today. There is simply no connection like face-to-face interaction, no support that can be received like that of an in-person conversation. I think that is why therapy can be so meaningful, because of the relationship, particularly when therapy is part of an overall support community in someone's life.

If you feel you are lacking connection, I encourage you to reach out to old friends or family members. Look for groups in your area that interest you - common interests are a natural way to build connection. Make values-oriented decisions toward building community in your life. It takes some effort, but the pay-off is well worth it.

Teens Spreading a Positive Message About Body Image

In a recent discussion about "booty pop" underwear (underwear with padding to make your booty look more round, to POP, so to speak) and teen body image (because apparently teens are large consumers of this product), I was reminded of some very positive body image movements started by teens in recent years. I (Courtney) think it is easy to think most teens hate their bodies, and it's true that the roots of negative body image for the most part start during our teen years. However, teens are also creative and smart, and when they choose to think for themselves, they have the power to create positive change in the world.

Take Operation Beautiful, an idea to put body positive post-it notes around in public places for strangers to see as way to increase self-esteem and brighten their day. This brilliant idea came to its creator, Caitlin, when she was 14 years old. Instead of sitting around spending time picking apart her flaws, she decided to create a positive movement that has changed people's lives. Seriously, how nice would it be to approach a bathroom mirror ready to pick apart your hair do, and then see a note that says, in so many words, that you're AWESOME and your hair looks GREAT! Check out this fantastic project at http://operationbeautiful.com/ and Caitlin's site at http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/.

Then these awesome ladies at Colleyville Heritage High in Texas with their "Redefining Beautiful" club... One day a week, a large group of girls goes to school without make-up, trying to spread the message that they are happy and confident both with and without coverage. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this concept and hope this message spreads. I think is so admirable to choose to redefine beauty and expectations of beauty, especially in high school, which in my memory was basically like an anxiety-ridden fashion show (zits and all). Check out their inspiring story here: http://abcnews.go.com/WN/texas-high-school-girls-start-makeup-club-world/story?id=11832439

These are teens (Caitlin is older now, but her movement started when she was a teen) that are inspiring a country of women who have spent too long burdened by the thin ideal and the expectations of beauty established by a media with extensive airbrushing tools. Let's follow these ladies' awesome example and be PROUD of who we are, inside and out!

Living the Life You Want

Last week we posted about New Year's resolutions - how to keep them measurable, specific, and achievable. Hopefully some of you gained useful tips from that posting. Yet here we are, January 19, and over a third of people who make New Year's resolutions won't even keep them through the end of this month. Perhaps that extra piece of fruit every morning has already deteriorated into an extra cup of coffee instead.

It is my (Courtney) custom to periodically evaluate my life and make sure I am living it the way I want to. Instead of waiting for an arbitrary date or holiday, I think if there are changes to be made in my life, I want to make them now rather than wait. I was reminded of the importance of this practice this past week when a friend's partner was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, totally out of the blue. Their comment was, "You never think it's going to happen to you." All of the sudden, in a single moment, everything seems different when all that we might have taken for granted is threatened. But why? I say, let's go ahead and have the kind of life we want now, today, instead of waiting for tragedy or holidays to make changes.

It is easy to fall into the trap of approaching life from a place of "shoulds" and "ought tos." I want to challenge you to do it differently. Do what makes you happy. Make values-oriented decisions. Be present for your life, and value the people you love and make sure they know it. When you go to bed at night, don't have any regrets about the way you spent your time that day. Measure yourself by who you are instead of what you do.

Who needs resolutions when we choose to embody our lives with our full selves: our values, our dreams, our energies, our love, and our connection to the larger world. I love the Thoreau quote we have hanging in our office: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler."

Resolutions....

11 days since the new year, how is your resolution coming along?

Studies show that over 20% of those who make a new year's resolution end up giving it up after the first week, and another 40% by the end of the first month. How can you avoid breaking your resolutions? Here are some tips:
1. Keep your resolution realistic. Is going to the gym every day or writing down every dollar you spend realistic for you?
2. Create steps to reach your new years resolution goal. Usually resolutions tend to be big goals, such as lose 20 pounds, cut back on extra expenses, or read the bible in a year. These big goals tend to be overwhelming. By breaking them into steps, perhaps by day, week or month will help you stay on track. For example, go to the gym 2 days a week for the first 2 weeks, then if you happen to go more often, great! If you just go the 2 days, you have already taken a step to your goal.
3. Talk about it. Reach out to those you trust for support and encouragement as you work on your resolution. Tell them what they can do to help you stay on track.
4. Reevaluate your resolution. Is it really helping you improve your quality of life, or is it actually leading you to emotionally beat yourself up when you fail?

Skipping Christmas

About ten years ago John Grisham wrote a wonderful book called "Skipping Christmas." The reason I loved it so much is that it pointed out how commercialized the holiday has become, creating more emotional and financial stress for Americans as well as others around the world.
When you stop and think about it, buying, addressing and sending Christmas cards; buying gifts for neighbors, teachers, co-workers, friends, family, and extras in case you forgot someone; baking holiday sweets and breads; going to parties at work, with friends, in the neighborhood, and family gatherings; traveling; hosting; decorating, and the list goes on. Makes me exhausted just listing it!

If you celebrate Christmas and find yourself more stressed during this time than other times in the year, take a step back and see what's actually important.

• If you are struggling financially, perhaps you can skip the cards and buy gifts for only those you want to, skip the ones you feel like you "have to".If you can't afford gifts, you can always give the gift of time. Your friends and family most likely care more about seeing you than what you give them.
  
• If decorating is not your cup of tea, its okay not to put up the blow-up Santa and glowing candy canes this year. Spend your time doing something you enjoy with your family and friends, plus you save on your electric bill.
  
• If you are struggling with your weight, don't be afraid to donate the sweets and baked goods that are given to you, but be sure to keep at least a few for yourself.
• If you tend to be overwhelmed by large groups of people, be sure to make time for yourself. Also, remember you don't have to accept every invitation you receive. Even those who love to around people feel exhausted and overwhelmed when they do too much celebrating.
  
• I am not saying cut it all out and don't do anything, but to try to decrease the stuff you feel you "have" to do, that brings you more stress. For example, I(Millie) LOVE to bake, but I don't enjoy addressing and sending cards, so I bake and skip the cards.
  

Although some folks may give you a hard time when they notice you are cutting back (read the book, they have some great examples of this!), remind yourself of the peace of mind you are maintaining knowing that you are focusing what is important to you this time of year.

On a side note, when Jesus was born, there weren't holiday parties, Christmas cards, Santa or reindeer (although I love the idea of Santa), there weren't tv cameras and Mary wasn't on MTV's "16 and Pregnant". There was less chaos in general in the world. I imagine it to be a quiet time that brought peace, hope and joy to those who were present and/or heard the good news.

If you celebrate Christmas, I encourage you to focus on finding that peace in whatever way makes sense to you, and try to avoid the extra stress induced activities that don't bring you joy.