The first day of fall was a few weeks ago, and now the days are getting noticeably shorter. Fewer daylight hours often means that people will start to experience more depressive symptoms: tired, irritable, lack motivation to do things, feeling down and out or "blue".
If you are noticing these symptoms, here are some little things you can do to help manage through the winter:
1. When the sun is out, make sure you are in it. The more sunlight that your skin is exposed to, the more Vitamin D your body will absorb. Of course, please wear sunscreen to avoid cancer, but get some sun. What if its freezing out? That's okay, you can stand/sit by a window.
2. Make social engagements with friends at least once every week or two. People tend to hibernate during the winter months, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness, so get out, go to dinner, grab coffee, see a movie, go to the museum!
3. Eat healthy. Winter months usually bring holiday treats. Although they are tasty, be sure you are still getting your fruits and veggies, in addition to proteins and carbs. A weary body can lead to a dreary mind set.
4. Exercise Regularly: Did you know that studies that exercising regularly has the same impact as taking an antidepressant? A brisk 30 minute walk, take the stairs at work, go to the gym. Do something active a few times a week, and you'll find you feel better over all.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Self Harm and Eating Disoders
A scary statistic: 40.8 percent of people with eating disorders have admitted to self harm, such as cutting and burning. (http://med.stanford.edu/ism/2010/october/peebles.html). Unfortunately this same study found the physicians often miss self harming behaviors, tending to ask “patients” who fit the profile (older white female, struggling with bulimia) and not posing these same questions to teenagers and others who did fit the profile. Just like eating disorder behaviors, people rarely offer the information unless specifically asked about self harm.
Those who harm themselves are usually embarrasses, ashamed and feel guilt about it. Thus, they learn how to hide it, and tend not to volunteer the information. Add an eating disorder into the mix, and they become very secretive not only about the self harm, but also the eating disorder behaviors. This “secrecy” is not meant to be manipulative or deceitful, instead, it serves the purpose of helping the person continue to survive and cope.
Yes, I am saying that self harm and eating disordered behavior are coping skills;
Yes, I am saying that they are NOT healthy coping skills, but for those who struggle with these issues, these coping behaviors are the only tools they know that works.
There are a lot of misconceptions about people who self harm. The most common one is that the behavior is used to get attention. Interestingly enough, there are other reasons people self harm. One, is when the body is injured, the brain releases endorphins and adrenalin to help heal the body and cope with the pain. It serves as an immediate release to a probably long term problem. Second, sometime people feel so numb and depressed, self harm reminds them that they can still feel something.
Do these people ever get better? Yes, people do recover from self harm and from eating disorders. It may be a long process, with a series of slips along the way, but with the help of a trusted therapist, a eating disorder/self harm save physician, dieticians, and of course family and friends, people can and do recover from these issues.
Those who harm themselves are usually embarrasses, ashamed and feel guilt about it. Thus, they learn how to hide it, and tend not to volunteer the information. Add an eating disorder into the mix, and they become very secretive not only about the self harm, but also the eating disorder behaviors. This “secrecy” is not meant to be manipulative or deceitful, instead, it serves the purpose of helping the person continue to survive and cope.
Yes, I am saying that self harm and eating disordered behavior are coping skills;
Yes, I am saying that they are NOT healthy coping skills, but for those who struggle with these issues, these coping behaviors are the only tools they know that works.
There are a lot of misconceptions about people who self harm. The most common one is that the behavior is used to get attention. Interestingly enough, there are other reasons people self harm. One, is when the body is injured, the brain releases endorphins and adrenalin to help heal the body and cope with the pain. It serves as an immediate release to a probably long term problem. Second, sometime people feel so numb and depressed, self harm reminds them that they can still feel something.
Do these people ever get better? Yes, people do recover from self harm and from eating disorders. It may be a long process, with a series of slips along the way, but with the help of a trusted therapist, a eating disorder/self harm save physician, dieticians, and of course family and friends, people can and do recover from these issues.
Monday, October 11, 2010
How to help your child/teen cope with Death
Death in general is somewhat a taboo subject and we rarely talk about it with our children. Today I (Millie) would like to offer some suggestions on how to handle the topic of death with your children.
First of all, no matter the age, it’s important to share what’s age appropriate. Sometimes the more details make it more confusing for the younger child, but the same details can be comforting or helpful for the teen.
Toddlers to age 7 or 8: The idea of God, heaven or any sort of after life is unconceivable for children in this age group. As adults, we understand that death is final (in this world at least depending on your beliefs) permanent. However, children of this age cannot understand abstract ideas such as an afterlife. In fact there was one child who wanted to “visit” grandma, so he tried to kill himself, not realizing he wouldn’t be able to come home to his parents after seeing grandma. Luckily he was saved and is okay.
So what do you say when the child asks questions about death:
1. Be concrete: Daddy died, he loved you very much but we won’t be seeing him again. Please don’t tell the child that Daddy fell asleep and never woke up, this will make nap and bed time a challenge for both you and the child
2. Name emotions for the child: It’s really sad to not be able to see Daddy anymore. It’s not fair and its okay to be angry that he is not here. I miss Daddy too. What do you miss most? By helping them identify the emotions and letting them know its okay will help them process it better.
3. Create a Memory Book: Gather some photos, have your child draw pictures, and help your child create a story about the loved one. I’ve had some older children create many different chapters, for the younger ones, it may be more basic. This book then can be used to help comfort the child when they miss the loved one. This could just be a separate coping skill as well, draw what you liked to do with grandma, for example.
4. Read Children’s Books dealling with Death: For the Grieving Child: An Activities Manual by Suzan Jaffe, S. Jaffe, and Jayme LaFleur I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas and Leslie Harker A Butterfly for Brittany: A Children’s Book About the Death of Another Child, from a Child’s Point of View by Cristine Thomas What the Dormouse Said: Lessons for Grown-ups from Children’s Books by Amy Gash, Pierre Le-Tan, and Judith Viorst
If you follow a particular faith, you can use that, but be sure to be more concrete: Daddy went to live with Jesus. You know how we talk to Jesus when we pray? We can talk to Daddy the same way. Leave this to your best judgement because some children will have trouble understanding this concept.
Transitional object: If the child has lost a pet, a stuffed animal resembling the pet can help them adjust to the pet being gone. Let them name the object (9 times out 10 they will name it after the lost pet). If the child lost a family member or friend, a doll or something that reminds them of that person can be a comforting object for them as well.
Older Children and Teens: Around 10 years of age, children begin to understand more about death and the abstract ideas that you and your family may have about the after life. This is a nice time to discuss more about faith and your beliefs. Since your older child or teen is starting to find their identity, be sure to give them some space on how to grieve. Not everyone grieves the same way, so although its important to help them cope in healthy ways (w/o drinking and drugs and sex), give them some flexibility if their coping style is different than yours.
1. Have conversations as they arise: Sometimes parents don’t bring up the loved one because its too painful for them and/or they want to protect their child/teen. By ignoring it, you might be sending the wrong message. Instead, by talking about missing the loved one, or sharing a memory or continuing a tradition the loved one enjoyed, teaches the child/teen its okay to remember and be sad about the loved one being gone. A benefit of doing this (although hard to imagine shortly after a death) is that these moments eventually turn from difficult to comforting, but it takes time. Help your teen label the emotions and talk about how to cope
2. Teens might enjoy creating a memory book, blog page, or a website paying tribute to the loved one. It’s similar to the memory book noted above.
3. Schedule and Structure: Especially if the loved one lived in the home or was part of the family’s daily lives, its important to keep a predictable schedule similar to what life was like before the death. Children of any age find it comforting when they know what to expect, and need that reassurance especially after a death.
4. Take care of yourself: as adults, and especially parents, we tend to forget about ourselves because we are so concerned about how the children are doing. If you don’t take time for yourself to grieve and to get support, you won’t be very much use to your kids. Plus, you are modeling to your kids how to handle death as well.
If there are “minor” deaths that occur (ie: a turtle dies or a pet), its best not to ignore it and “replace” the pet before the child notices. Instead, these “smaller” deaths are times for the child to learn and “practice” coping with death.
If you have any questions on how to help your children cope, or you yourself need help coping, please feel free to email us at Courtney @greenleafcc.com and millie@greenleafcc.com
Toddlers to age 7 or 8: The idea of God, heaven or any sort of after life is unconceivable for children in this age group. As adults, we understand that death is final (in this world at least depending on your beliefs) permanent. However, children of this age cannot understand abstract ideas such as an afterlife. In fact there was one child who wanted to “visit” grandma, so he tried to kill himself, not realizing he wouldn’t be able to come home to his parents after seeing grandma. Luckily he was saved and is okay.
So what do you say when the child asks questions about death:
1. Be concrete: Daddy died, he loved you very much but we won’t be seeing him again. Please don’t tell the child that Daddy fell asleep and never woke up, this will make nap and bed time a challenge for both you and the child
2. Name emotions for the child: It’s really sad to not be able to see Daddy anymore. It’s not fair and its okay to be angry that he is not here. I miss Daddy too. What do you miss most? By helping them identify the emotions and letting them know its okay will help them process it better.
3. Create a Memory Book: Gather some photos, have your child draw pictures, and help your child create a story about the loved one. I’ve had some older children create many different chapters, for the younger ones, it may be more basic. This book then can be used to help comfort the child when they miss the loved one. This could just be a separate coping skill as well, draw what you liked to do with grandma, for example.
4. Read Children’s Books dealling with Death: For the Grieving Child: An Activities Manual by Suzan Jaffe, S. Jaffe, and Jayme LaFleur I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas and Leslie Harker A Butterfly for Brittany: A Children’s Book About the Death of Another Child, from a Child’s Point of View by Cristine Thomas What the Dormouse Said: Lessons for Grown-ups from Children’s Books by Amy Gash, Pierre Le-Tan, and Judith Viorst
If you follow a particular faith, you can use that, but be sure to be more concrete: Daddy went to live with Jesus. You know how we talk to Jesus when we pray? We can talk to Daddy the same way. Leave this to your best judgement because some children will have trouble understanding this concept.
Transitional object: If the child has lost a pet, a stuffed animal resembling the pet can help them adjust to the pet being gone. Let them name the object (9 times out 10 they will name it after the lost pet). If the child lost a family member or friend, a doll or something that reminds them of that person can be a comforting object for them as well.
Older Children and Teens: Around 10 years of age, children begin to understand more about death and the abstract ideas that you and your family may have about the after life. This is a nice time to discuss more about faith and your beliefs. Since your older child or teen is starting to find their identity, be sure to give them some space on how to grieve. Not everyone grieves the same way, so although its important to help them cope in healthy ways (w/o drinking and drugs and sex), give them some flexibility if their coping style is different than yours.
1. Have conversations as they arise: Sometimes parents don’t bring up the loved one because its too painful for them and/or they want to protect their child/teen. By ignoring it, you might be sending the wrong message. Instead, by talking about missing the loved one, or sharing a memory or continuing a tradition the loved one enjoyed, teaches the child/teen its okay to remember and be sad about the loved one being gone. A benefit of doing this (although hard to imagine shortly after a death) is that these moments eventually turn from difficult to comforting, but it takes time. Help your teen label the emotions and talk about how to cope
2. Teens might enjoy creating a memory book, blog page, or a website paying tribute to the loved one. It’s similar to the memory book noted above.
3. Schedule and Structure: Especially if the loved one lived in the home or was part of the family’s daily lives, its important to keep a predictable schedule similar to what life was like before the death. Children of any age find it comforting when they know what to expect, and need that reassurance especially after a death.
4. Take care of yourself: as adults, and especially parents, we tend to forget about ourselves because we are so concerned about how the children are doing. If you don’t take time for yourself to grieve and to get support, you won’t be very much use to your kids. Plus, you are modeling to your kids how to handle death as well.
If there are “minor” deaths that occur (ie: a turtle dies or a pet), its best not to ignore it and “replace” the pet before the child notices. Instead, these “smaller” deaths are times for the child to learn and “practice” coping with death.
If you have any questions on how to help your children cope, or you yourself need help coping, please feel free to email us at Courtney @greenleafcc.com and millie@greenleafcc.com
Friday, October 1, 2010
Greenleaf in the News!
A couple of exciting new things are happening at Greenleaf, and we wanted to let you know about these resources.
Colorado Post Adoption Resource Center (COPARC) – Adoptive families often find themselves needing extra support after their child comes home. Even though the process of adoption requires many education classes and much preparation, sometimes families can be surprised by unanticipated needs in their new family. Issues can arise with bonding and attachment, behavioral issues from traumatized children, prenatal drug and alcohol exposure, and many other challenging concerns.
For Colorado’s adoptive families, the Adoption Exchange has established the Colorado Post Adoption Resource Center (COPARC) as a way to support adoptive families in their needs after the adoption is complete or during the fostering process. Lists of adoption competent therapists, support groups, education opportunities, articles, and funding assistance are included in the database. Greenleaf (Courtney Morton, LCSW) is among the list of adoption competent therapists. Check it out at http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=adoption_post_coparc_main.
Denver as a hub of cutting-edge eating disorders treatment - The Denver Business Journal recently published an article about the Eating Recovery Center's (http://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/) expansions and how Denver is becoming a hot spot nationwide for eating disorders treatment. Greenleaf is quoted on the role of outpatient therapy in the continuum of care. Take a look at the story (subscription required) at http://denver.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2010/09/27/story7.html.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thoughts on Teens & Social Media
Social media is a primary means for teens to connect in this day in time. Texting, Facebook, MySpace, and many (many!) other social networking modalities have begun to replace daily face to face interactions. Teens can transmit and receive thoughts and suggestions in an instant with the push of a button.
Unfortunately, our teenage years are the ones when our mood is most volatile due to raging hormones, and that thought we can receive or transmit in an instant can be the one that causes a rapid mood swing for better or for worse. We can say exactly what we're thinking in a public forum, and people react accordingly.
For teens, a benefit of social media can be that it takes the pressure off of a face to face interaction. There's no need to interpret body language or non-verbal signals, and teens can combat anxiety about how they look as their body changes by hiding behind a screen. Teens can also take a minute to pause before responding to an email or Facebook post, whereas a face to face interaction would demand an almost immediate response.
The problem is that most people, teens included, tend to have a rapid relationship with technology where they respond right away to texts, emails or posts instead of sitting with it to determine an appropriate response. Social networking sites can also contribute to a kind of "group think" where we are easily susceptible to following the opinions of others without taking our own values into consideration. Developmentally, our teenage years are about relying more on the influence of our peers than much of anything else. So what does this mean when a teen starts bullying another teen online? In a lot of situations, it means that their friends follow suit.
This generation of teens has more access to technology than any one before it, and I (Courtney) don't think we know the implications of that yet. However, with studies that indicate that teens are more likely to be depressed the more time they spend online and ones that show how common online predators are toward teens and children, it is important not to lose site of the value of technology-free times every single day, where we can connect with each other face to face, authentically.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Teen Challenges: Back to School
There are three schools along the route of my usual morning jog, and a few mornings a week now, I notice the mouth-watering smell of sausage permeating the air about 7AM. This can only mean one thing: school breakfast. My mother (Courtney) has been a teacher for almost thirty years, and so I am quite familiar with the smells of school breakfasts from many years of going early with her in the mornings (Super Donuts, anyone?). The new morning scent in my neighborhood is for me a sign that summer is over and the kids are back in the classroom.
Coming back to school after 12 weeks of freedom can be quite a challenge for many teens. They have gotten used to sleeping late, lots of time with friends, maybe a summer job, spending time alone if parents are working, and possibly even traveling. Not only can the work be a challenge, but peer relationships can blow up, negative behavior can escalate, and parents may wonder how to help support their teens in getting back on track if they derail right at the beginning.
Teens today face different challenges than any group of youth before them. Bullying happens not only in the hallways but also over Facebook, MySpace, and texting. Teens report escalating stress levels as it gets harder and harder to get into college, and teens also report stress as a result of the stress their parents feel over money, employment, and the current state of the economy. Schoolwork and standardized testing are getting more difficult and more common. In addition, puberty hits every teen at a different time, and sensing that they are early or late developers as they compare themselves to others can cause anguish and alienation. Not to mention drugs, alcohol, depression, self-harm, and many other types of negative behaviors.
Wow, I don’t miss being a teen.
All of these stresses and challenges can show up as slipping grades and behavior problems at school. Here are four ways parents can support their teen if they become aware of difficulties their teen is having at school:
1. Spend time with them. Make a conscious effort to make dates with your teen to do activities they enjoy, and be present while you’re with them. Teens don't want to be with their parents all the time, but most really enjoy having consistent activities together.
2. Get involved in your teen's school. Ask who their teachers are and what their favorite classes are this year. Be on a committee or in a booster club. Offer to help them find tutoring if they need it. Show your teen that you are there to support them academically and socially in the school environment.
3. Help your teen find extracurricular activities they enjoy. Encourage consistent connection with peers and healthy relationships.
4. Take care of yourself. If you are stressed or upset, your teen knows it. Try not to take out your negative emotions on your teen, but instead show them examples of both healthy relationships, positive activities, and healthy coping skills.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Parenting Class: How Every Parent Could Benefit
As a parent, it is easy to bristle at the well-meaning advice of others. One of the most rewarding and challenging life tasks, parenting can be a source of both pride and defensiveness in the face of judgment by another. This reality can be especially true when it comes to parenting a teen.
At Greenleaf, we see many teens and their families, and parents often come to us at a loss of how to handle their teen's sometimes challenging behavior. Parents struggle to understand the developmental needs and challenges of their teens and also their changing role as a parent during their child's teen years (e.g. from the authority to more of an advising, consultant role). As a parent, probably the most difficult thing in the world is to watch your child struggling and in pain, and for teens, this state is a regular occurrence as they search for identity, become increasingly peer-oriented, and make more and more decisions (and mistakes) for themselves.
Greenleaf is excited to be offering a six week class beginning September 19 for parents of teens in conjunction with the Kirk of Bonnie Brae Church (http://www.kirkofbonniebrae.org/KBBhomepage.htm). The class will offer information about teen development, specific parenting strategies for parents of teens (e.g. how to connect, keeping the peace in your home, etc.), birth order and sibling influence, temperament, and when to be concerned and what to do if you become concerned about your teen.
Even if your relationship with your teen is great (congratulations, by the way!), taking a parenting class can increase your understanding of your child and help you anticipate potential challenges down the road. Seeking the help of a parenting class doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that you've failed; instead, looking for help and guidance signifies your commitment to your child and a desire to keep your skills and knowledge sharp.
Teens are an enigma in general, and teens today face different challenges than any generation before them with technology and a changing world. How will you help equip your teen for adulthood? What are your dreams for your teen and how can you support them in achieving their own dreams? Is maintaining open communication and connection with your teen even possible?
We hope you will join us for the class to discuss these and many other topics. Please contact us about registration.
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