Greenleaf Counseling Center, LLC

Shopping Bulimia

2011-03-16T14:13:00.002-06:00

Saw an interesting story on the Today show this morning about so-called "shopping bulimia," or the high that comes from compulsively shopping and then being able to return the purchases when the guilt later sets in. The story (click the blog title above for the link) highlights interesting parallels about the addictive nature of certain "harmless" behaviors that become harmful and values-threatening when used in excess. Informative reading for a Wednesday afternoon...

Infertility and Body Image

2011-02-28T16:04:00.002-07:00

Our last blog post linked to the "Booty Pops" story on 9news, which talked about young women and body image. Specifically, young women wearing padded underwear to make for a rounder behind. The premise of the story, as we stated, was the idea that women might be starting to embrace curves more than the thin ideal.

Today, however, I wanted to talk about a different side of a body image. In the "Booty Pops" story, I (Courtney) am quoted saying that here at Greenleaf, we try to encourage women to focus on the function of their body instead of the form. Our bodies allow us to do so many things, and it is important to celebrate those things instead of pick apart our imperfections. However, women struggling with infertility are betrayed by the function of their body as well.

As girls, we are basically indoctrinated to the idea that one day we will be mothers. For many, becoming a mother is as easy as... well, you know. But for others, it is not so simple. Some women spend years trying to get pregnant, and they spend much of those years agonizing over the betrayal of their bodies to fulfill this basic genetic function. Products of evolution, it is deeply encoded in us to reproduce (ever heard that clock just ticking away?), and more than that, we live in a society where motherhood is almost expected. Childless couples are usually peppered with questions about the whens and the whys of their choices about children, when really this may be a very painful subject for them.

I recently heard a statistic that women who become involved with infertility support groups significantly increase their chances of conception. If you are struggling with infertility, don't be ashamed, and don't hesitate to get support. Learning to trust your body again is possible.

Greenleaf in the News: Booty Pops

2011-02-21T16:40:00.004-07:00

Last week, Greenleaf was on Channel 9 news talking about body image in a story about "Booty Pops" underwear, a new fad especially popular with teens. The discussion relates to the possibility of a paradigm shift, where women are beginning to embrace curves instead of an ultra-thin ideal. At Greenleaf, we encourage body acceptance through focusing on function over form as it relates to the body. Our bodies are always changing, and we cannot predict what will happen to them over time. However, each day we can love and celebrate our bodies for all they allow us to do, like hug the people we love or ski down a mountain on a sunny day.

Check out the story and video here:

http://www.9news.com/rss/story.aspx?storyid=181650

Support Through Community

2011-02-09T11:02:00.002-07:00

I (Courtney) spent last weekend at a female-only family reunion. Every year, the women in my husband's family get together for a special weekend of bonding through spending time together. When I first married my husband, I thought it was such a unique thing that the women prioritized time together every year. They welcomed me into their circle, and each year since I've been part of this gathering, our group has grown.

This past weekend, as we discussed the challenges and celebrations in each of our lives over the past year, I was reminded of the importance of receiving support from others. Developmentally, women thrive in relationship with others, including community both with men and other women. I feel so fortunate to be able to receive wisdom from women of several generations, and these various perspectives offer me support in my variety of life roles.

I don't think we were made to go about our lives alone. Our species survived by forming tribes and communities, and it seems like our society is increasingly moving toward isolation, even with all the social networking opportunities available today. There is simply no connection like face-to-face interaction, no support that can be received like that of an in-person conversation. I think that is why therapy can be so meaningful, because of the relationship, particularly when therapy is part of an overall support community in someone's life.

If you feel you are lacking connection, I encourage you to reach out to old friends or family members. Look for groups in your area that interest you - common interests are a natural way to build connection. Make values-oriented decisions toward building community in your life. It takes some effort, but the pay-off is well worth it.

Teens Spreading a Positive Message About Body Image

2011-01-26T14:30:00.003-07:00

In a recent discussion about "booty pop" underwear (underwear with padding to make your booty look more round, to POP, so to speak) and teen body image (because apparently teens are large consumers of this product), I was reminded of some very positive body image movements started by teens in recent years. I (Courtney) think it is easy to think most teens hate their bodies, and it's true that the roots of negative body image for the most part start during our teen years. However, teens are also creative and smart, and when they choose to think for themselves, they have the power to create positive change in the world.

Take Operation Beautiful, an idea to put body positive post-it notes around in public places for strangers to see as way to increase self-esteem and brighten their day. This brilliant idea came to its creator, Caitlin, when she was 14 years old. Instead of sitting around spending time picking apart her flaws, she decided to create a positive movement that has changed people's lives. Seriously, how nice would it be to approach a bathroom mirror ready to pick apart your hair do, and then see a note that says, in so many words, that you're AWESOME and your hair looks GREAT! Check out this fantastic project at http://operationbeautiful.com/ and Caitlin's site at http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/.

Then these awesome ladies at Colleyville Heritage High in Texas with their "Redefining Beautiful" club... One day a week, a large group of girls goes to school without make-up, trying to spread the message that they are happy and confident both with and without coverage. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this concept and hope this message spreads. I think is so admirable to choose to redefine beauty and expectations of beauty, especially in high school, which in my memory was basically like an anxiety-ridden fashion show (zits and all). Check out their inspiring story here: http://abcnews.go.com/WN/texas-high-school-girls-start-makeup-club-world/story?id=11832439

These are teens (Caitlin is older now, but her movement started when she was a teen) that are inspiring a country of women who have spent too long burdened by the thin ideal and the expectations of beauty established by a media with extensive airbrushing tools. Let's follow these ladies' awesome example and be PROUD of who we are, inside and out!

Living the Life You Want

2011-01-19T15:37:00.003-07:00

Last week we posted about New Year's resolutions - how to keep them measurable, specific, and achievable. Hopefully some of you gained useful tips from that posting. Yet here we are, January 19, and over a third of people who make New Year's resolutions won't even keep them through the end of this month. Perhaps that extra piece of fruit every morning has already deteriorated into an extra cup of coffee instead.

It is my (Courtney) custom to periodically evaluate my life and make sure I am living it the way I want to. Instead of waiting for an arbitrary date or holiday, I think if there are changes to be made in my life, I want to make them now rather than wait. I was reminded of the importance of this practice this past week when a friend's partner was diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, totally out of the blue. Their comment was, "You never think it's going to happen to you." All of the sudden, in a single moment, everything seems different when all that we might have taken for granted is threatened. But why? I say, let's go ahead and have the kind of life we want now, today, instead of waiting for tragedy or holidays to make changes.

It is easy to fall into the trap of approaching life from a place of "shoulds" and "ought tos." I want to challenge you to do it differently. Do what makes you happy. Make values-oriented decisions. Be present for your life, and value the people you love and make sure they know it. When you go to bed at night, don't have any regrets about the way you spent your time that day. Measure yourself by who you are instead of what you do.

Who needs resolutions when we choose to embody our lives with our full selves: our values, our dreams, our energies, our love, and our connection to the larger world. I love the Thoreau quote we have hanging in our office: "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler."

Resolutions....

2011-01-11T10:27:00.002-07:00

11 days since the new year, how is your resolution coming along?

Studies show that over 20% of those who make a new year's resolution end up giving it up after the first week, and another 40% by the end of the first month. How can you avoid breaking your resolutions? Here are some tips:
1. Keep your resolution realistic. Is going to the gym every day or writing down every dollar you spend realistic for you?
2. Create steps to reach your new years resolution goal. Usually resolutions tend to be big goals, such as lose 20 pounds, cut back on extra expenses, or read the bible in a year. These big goals tend to be overwhelming. By breaking them into steps, perhaps by day, week or month will help you stay on track. For example, go to the gym 2 days a week for the first 2 weeks, then if you happen to go more often, great! If you just go the 2 days, you have already taken a step to your goal.
3. Talk about it. Reach out to those you trust for support and encouragement as you work on your resolution. Tell them what they can do to help you stay on track.
4. Reevaluate your resolution. Is it really helping you improve your quality of life, or is it actually leading you to emotionally beat yourself up when you fail?

Skipping Christmas

2010-12-15T09:04:00.002-07:00

About ten years ago John Grisham wrote a wonderful book called "Skipping Christmas." The reason I loved it so much is that it pointed out how commercialized the holiday has become, creating more emotional and financial stress for Americans as well as others around the world.
When you stop and think about it, buying, addressing and sending Christmas cards; buying gifts for neighbors, teachers, co-workers, friends, family, and extras in case you forgot someone; baking holiday sweets and breads; going to parties at work, with friends, in the neighborhood, and family gatherings; traveling; hosting; decorating, and the list goes on. Makes me exhausted just listing it!

If you celebrate Christmas and find yourself more stressed during this time than other times in the year, take a step back and see what's actually important.

If you are struggling financially, perhaps you can skip the cards and buy gifts for only those you want to, skip the ones you feel like you "have to".If you can't afford gifts, you can always give the gift of time. Your friends and family most likely care more about seeing you than what you give them.
If decorating is not your cup of tea, its okay not to put up the blow-up Santa and glowing candy canes this year. Spend your time doing something you enjoy with your family and friends, plus you save on your electric bill.
If you are struggling with your weight, don't be afraid to donate the sweets and baked goods that are given to you, but be sure to keep at least a few for yourself.
If you tend to be overwhelmed by large groups of people, be sure to make time for yourself. Also, remember you don't have to accept every invitation you receive. Even those who love to around people feel exhausted and overwhelmed when they do too much celebrating.
I am not saying cut it all out and don't do anything, but to try to decrease the stuff you feel you "have" to do, that brings you more stress. For example, I(Millie) LOVE to bake, but I don't enjoy addressing and sending cards, so I bake and skip the cards.

Although some folks may give you a hard time when they notice you are cutting back (read the book, they have some great examples of this!), remind yourself of the peace of mind you are maintaining knowing that you are focusing what is important to you this time of year.

On a side note, when Jesus was born, there weren't holiday parties, Christmas cards, Santa or reindeer (although I love the idea of Santa), there weren't tv cameras and Mary wasn't on MTV's "16 and Pregnant". There was less chaos in general in the world. I imagine it to be a quiet time that brought peace, hope and joy to those who were present and/or heard the good news.

If you celebrate Christmas, I encourage you to focus on finding that peace in whatever way makes sense to you, and try to avoid the extra stress induced activities that don't bring you joy.

Tis the season of giving and anxiety

2010-12-08T12:21:00.003-07:00

Tis' the season of giving!

This is a time of year when there is a lot of opportunities for gift giving and receiving. Unfortunately these same heartfelt moments can also be accompanied by worries of giving the "right" gift, getting enough gifts for the people you know and love; as well as the worry of not giving a gift or an "equal"gift to someone who gave you something. Given the economy, people are in different financial situations, and may be experiencing these concerns more this year than 5-10 years ago.

Gift giving is supposed to warm the heart, both yours and the person you are giving to. Adding anxiety about the type of gift takes away the enjoyment one feels when thinking of others. If you find yourself in this category, remember that the person will feel good for just being thought of by you, no matter how big or small, expensive or thrifty the gift is.

What if I receive a gift from someone that is more than the one I bought for them, or what if I didn't get him/her anything but a christmas card?

If you find yourself asking this question, you might be "keeping score". Let me ask you this:

Do you keep track of the gifts you receive and compare it to a list of people you gave gifts to?

Do you give with the expectation to receive?

My guess is that you most likely are giving from your heart. You saw something that reminded you of the person and you gave it to them for a special occasion or just cause.

The person giving you the gift cares about you, and probably is not giving you something with the expectation of receiving something of equal value in return.

My advice, graciously accept the gift and thank the giver.

This holiday season, try to focus being thankful for the gifts you have received, be gracious to the giver, and try to stop the worrying.

Mindful

2010-11-30T09:30:00.002-07:00

I (Courtney) have recently been spending a lot of time outside. Fall is my favorite season, and I love to observe the trees changing colors, the leaves falling to the ground, and the first snowfall here in Denver. I find it easier to stop and be mindful when I'm outside in nature.

When I'm at home or work, it is easy to become unmindful because of an omnipresent to do list, the challenges of being a working mom, and just the general distractions of chores and the like that easily grab my attention. Ironically, the situations where it is so easy for me to become unmindful are the ones where I could most use my mindfulness skills!

Recently I was reading the great book Eat, Drink and Be Mindful by Dr. Susan Albers, where she talks about the two-fold benefit of being mindful:
1. When we are mindful, we tend to pause and respond in situations instead of reacting from an unmindful place.
2. When we are consistently mindful, our bodies stay more relaxed, and thus we approach life from a state of relaxation instead of a state of stress.

One of my favorite books about mindfulness is The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. It reminds me that people have been struggling to achieve a consistent state of mindfulness for thousands of years, and also that the benefits of mindfulness have been recognized for an extremely long period of time. It reminds me that as challenging as it is to be mindful in day to day life, it is worth it, and it gets easier with practice.

Today I encourage you to take a minute to pause and be mindful, be it while you are having dinner, playing with your dog, working through your to do list, or taking a walk outside. Take a minute to be present in your life where you are instead of focusing on where you are going next. See how you change because of these moments.

Self-Care Through the Holidays

2010-11-22T15:09:00.002-07:00

With Thanksgiving only three days away, you may be wondering how you are going to find time to cook the stuffing, carve the turkey, pack the suitcase, prepare for Black Friday, etc. etc. etc. with all you have going on already in your day to day life. While joyful, the holidays can pack on extra stress related to extended finances, increased time commitments, and strained family relationships.

So how can you approach Turkey Day with your feet on the ground and a (real) smile on your face? Here are some strategies for self-care through the holidays:

1. Prioritize: Related to finances, time, and relationships. Decide the things that are most important for you to spend money on. For example, do you really love spending your cash on stamps and paper holiday cards, or would you be fine with an email or phone greeting and rather spend that money on a gift for a treasured friend? Also, what time commitments are most important to you? Is it your company's holiday party, or a family member's intimate dinner and white elephant gift exchange? Focus your attention this holiday season on what matters most to you, not all the things you think you "should" do.

2. Take time for yourself: Even in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, remember to put yourself first. Approach your days with energy and balance by taking the time you need for rest and relaxation. "Gift yourself," so to speak, with the things you enjoy most.

3. Remember humor and a sense of perspective: Your sense of humor and your connection to others beyond your own experience can offer useful perspective during the holidays. I (Courtney) used to laugh that my birthday, which is around the holidays in December, was cursed because I injured myself several years in a row a few days before my birthday. One year I fainted (I was sick and trying to put my game face on at a holiday event) and bopped my head on a concrete sidewalk and had to spend the night in the hospital. Another year I slipped on the ice and broke my shoulder. Now it is a running joke for me around this time of year to wait for another injury. It's not actually a funny situation, but it reminds me to not be so worried and controlling of all that is beyond my control (like that patch of ice I just didn't see). All I can do is my best, and then remember beyond that that other people are both struggling and having joys too.

The holidays are a time for community, laughter, and focusing in on what matters most to you. Using your values as a guide to holiday decision-making will keep you on the right track.

Giving Back

2010-11-09T15:35:00.003-07:00

The holiday season is upon us, and what a great time to remember to give back to others in our community. Often it is easy to be focused on the stress of travel, shopping, cooking, parties, work projects, etc. during this of year. Especially given the state of the economy, this year's holidays might carry even more stress in trying to shop and entertain on a budget.

When we feel stressed, it is easy to narrow our focus to encompass only our own lives. We may feel an enormous weight on our shoulders and have a sense of hopelessness about change. By giving back, we can connect to others, which enables us to regain a sense of perspective and move out of black and white thinking, and also feel a sense of pride in values-oriented decision-making.

Here are some ways to get involved right now, right here in our community:

Nine Cares Colorado Shares Winter Clothing, Toy and Food Drive (THIS weekend!):

http://www.9news.com/life/community/events/fooddrives/winter/

37th Annual Turkey Trot benefitting the Mile High United Way (Thanksgiving Day, 2010):

http://www.runningguru.com/EventInformation.asp?eID=MHUWTT

First Annual "Colorado Gives" Day - give where you live! benefitting local non-profits like the Kempe Foundation for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect (December 8, 2010):

http://stage.causeroom.com/kempe/index.php?s=10374&item=880

Is being GLBT a disease?

2010-10-27T09:55:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago, Colorado Candidate, Ken Buck, appeared on a television program and compared homosexuality to alcoholism. Some have interpreted his comment to mean that he was saying Homosexuality is a disease, which has raised some concern. For the past I have been thinking about his comment and the reaction to it.
Recent studies have shown that sexuality is based on more on genetics than choice, thus there is a biological component. I'm wondering if Ken Buck was trying to say that homosexuality is biological, like Alcoholism, which is also considered to be genetic. However, even if that was the case, the comparision is still concerning since Alcoholism is a disease and is a problem, where any type of sexuality (i.e. heterosexual, gay, lesbian) is not a disease and its not a problem.

Colorado Psychologist, Dr. Sarah Burgamy responded to Ken Buck's comments last week at the One Colorado press conference. Click this link if you would like to hear what she had to say:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0H3APrbNMk

Managing with shorter day blues

2010-10-22T12:16:00.004-06:00

The first day of fall was a few weeks ago, and now the days are getting noticeably shorter. Fewer daylight hours often means that people will start to experience more depressive symptoms: tired, irritable, lack motivation to do things, feeling down and out or "blue".
If you are noticing these symptoms, here are some little things you can do to help manage through the winter:
1. When the sun is out, make sure you are in it. The more sunlight that your skin is exposed to, the more Vitamin D your body will absorb. Of course, please wear sunscreen to avoid cancer, but get some sun. What if its freezing out? That's okay, you can stand/sit by a window.
2. Make social engagements with friends at least once every week or two. People tend to hibernate during the winter months, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness, so get out, go to dinner, grab coffee, see a movie, go to the museum!
3. Eat healthy. Winter months usually bring holiday treats. Although they are tasty, be sure you are still getting your fruits and veggies, in addition to proteins and carbs. A weary body can lead to a dreary mind set.
4. Exercise Regularly: Did you know that studies that exercising regularly has the same impact as taking an antidepressant? A brisk 30 minute walk, take the stairs at work, go to the gym. Do something active a few times a week, and you'll find you feel better over all.

Self Harm and Eating Disoders

2010-10-14T09:47:00.002-06:00

A scary statistic: 40.8 percent of people with eating disorders have admitted to self harm, such as cutting and burning. (http://med.stanford.edu/ism/2010/october/peebles.html). Unfortunately this same study found the physicians often miss self harming behaviors, tending to ask “patients” who fit the profile (older white female, struggling with bulimia) and not posing these same questions to teenagers and others who did fit the profile. Just like eating disorder behaviors, people rarely offer the information unless specifically asked about self harm.

Those who harm themselves are usually embarrasses, ashamed and feel guilt about it. Thus, they learn how to hide it, and tend not to volunteer the information. Add an eating disorder into the mix, and they become very secretive not only about the self harm, but also the eating disorder behaviors. This “secrecy” is not meant to be manipulative or deceitful, instead, it serves the purpose of helping the person continue to survive and cope.
Yes, I am saying that self harm and eating disordered behavior are coping skills;
Yes, I am saying that they are NOT healthy coping skills, but for those who struggle with these issues, these coping behaviors are the only tools they know that works.

There are a lot of misconceptions about people who self harm. The most common one is that the behavior is used to get attention. Interestingly enough, there are other reasons people self harm. One, is when the body is injured, the brain releases endorphins and adrenalin to help heal the body and cope with the pain. It serves as an immediate release to a probably long term problem. Second, sometime people feel so numb and depressed, self harm reminds them that they can still feel something.

Do these people ever get better? Yes, people do recover from self harm and from eating disorders. It may be a long process, with a series of slips along the way, but with the help of a trusted therapist, a eating disorder/self harm save physician, dieticians, and of course family and friends, people can and do recover from these issues.

How to help your child/teen cope with Death

2010-10-11T13:42:00.002-06:00

Death in general is somewhat a taboo subject and we rarely talk about it with our children. Today I (Millie) would like to offer some suggestions on how to handle the topic of death with your children.  First of all, no matter the age, it’s important to share what’s age appropriate. Sometimes the more details make it more confusing for the younger child, but the same details can be comforting or helpful for the teen.  
Toddlers to age 7 or 8: The idea of God, heaven or any sort of after life is unconceivable for children in this age group. As adults, we understand that death is final (in this world at least depending on your beliefs) permanent. However, children of this age cannot understand abstract ideas such as an afterlife. In fact there was one child who wanted to “visit” grandma, so he tried to kill himself, not realizing he wouldn’t be able to come home to his parents after seeing grandma. Luckily he was saved and is okay.

So what do you say when the child asks questions about death:
1. Be concrete: Daddy died, he loved you very much but we won’t be seeing him again. Please don’t tell the child that Daddy fell asleep and never woke up, this will make nap and bed time a challenge for both you and the child

2. Name emotions for the child: It’s really sad to not be able to see Daddy anymore. It’s not fair and its okay to be angry that he is not here. I miss Daddy too. What do you miss most? By helping them identify the emotions and letting them know its okay will help them process it better. 

3. Create a Memory Book: Gather some photos, have your child draw pictures, and help your child create a story about the loved one. I’ve had some older children create many different chapters, for the younger ones, it may be more basic. This book then can be used to help comfort the child when they miss the loved one. This could just be a separate coping skill as well, draw what you liked to do with grandma, for example. 

4. Read Children’s Books dealling with Death: For the Grieving Child: An Activities Manual by Suzan Jaffe, S. Jaffe, and Jayme LaFleur I Miss You: A First Look At Death by Pat Thomas and Leslie Harker A Butterfly for Brittany: A Children’s Book About the Death of Another Child, from a Child’s Point of View by Cristine Thomas What the Dormouse Said: Lessons for Grown-ups from Children’s Books by Amy Gash, Pierre Le-Tan, and Judith Viorst

If you follow a particular faith, you can use that, but be sure to be more concrete: Daddy went to live with Jesus. You know how we talk to Jesus when we pray? We can talk to Daddy the same way. Leave this to your best judgement because some children will have trouble understanding this concept.

Transitional object: If the child has lost a pet, a stuffed animal resembling the pet can help them adjust to the pet being gone. Let them name the object (9 times out 10 they will name it after the lost pet). If the child lost a family member or friend, a doll or something that reminds them of that person can be a comforting object for them as well.
 
Older Children and Teens: Around 10 years of age, children begin to understand more about death and the abstract ideas that you and your family may have about the after life. This is a nice time to discuss more about faith and your beliefs. Since your older child or teen is starting to find their identity, be sure to give them some space on how to grieve. Not everyone grieves the same way, so although its important to help them cope in healthy ways (w/o drinking and drugs and sex), give them some flexibility if their coping style is different than yours.

1. Have conversations as they arise: Sometimes parents don’t bring up the loved one because its too painful for them and/or they want to protect their child/teen. By ignoring it, you might be sending the wrong message. Instead, by talking about missing the loved one, or sharing a memory or continuing a tradition the loved one enjoyed, teaches the child/teen its okay to remember and be sad about the loved one being gone. A benefit of doing this (although hard to imagine shortly after a death) is that these moments eventually turn from difficult to comforting, but it takes time. Help your teen label the emotions and talk about how to cope
 2. Teens might enjoy creating a memory book, blog page, or a website paying tribute to the loved one. It’s similar to the memory book noted above. 

3. Schedule and Structure: Especially if the loved one lived in the home or was part of the family’s daily lives, its important to keep a predictable schedule similar to what life was like before the death. Children of any age find it comforting when they know what to expect, and need that reassurance especially after a death.

4. Take care of yourself: as adults, and especially parents, we tend to forget about ourselves because we are so concerned about how the children are doing. If you don’t take time for yourself to grieve and to get support, you won’t be very much use to your kids. Plus, you are modeling to your kids how to handle death as well.

If there are “minor” deaths that occur (ie: a turtle dies or a pet), its best not to ignore it and “replace” the pet before the child notices. Instead, these “smaller” deaths are times for the child to learn and “practice” coping with death.

If you have any questions on how to help your children cope, or you yourself need help coping, please feel free to email us at Courtney @greenleafcc.com and millie@greenleafcc.com

Greenleaf in the News!

2010-10-01T07:54:00.002-06:00

A couple of exciting new things are happening at Greenleaf, and we wanted to let you know about these resources.

Colorado Post Adoption Resource Center (COPARC) – Adoptive families often find themselves needing extra support after their child comes home. Even though the process of adoption requires many education classes and much preparation, sometimes families can be surprised by unanticipated needs in their new family. Issues can arise with bonding and attachment, behavioral issues from traumatized children, prenatal drug and alcohol exposure, and many other challenging concerns.

For Colorado’s adoptive families, the Adoption Exchange has established the Colorado Post Adoption Resource Center (COPARC) as a way to support adoptive families in their needs after the adoption is complete or during the fostering process. Lists of adoption competent therapists, support groups, education opportunities, articles, and funding assistance are included in the database. Greenleaf (Courtney Morton, LCSW) is among the list of adoption competent therapists. Check it out at http://www.adoptex.org/site/PageServer?pagename=adoption_post_coparc_main.

Denver as a hub of cutting-edge eating disorders treatment - The Denver Business Journal recently published an article about the Eating Recovery Center's (http://www.eatingrecoverycenter.com/) expansions and how Denver is becoming a hot spot nationwide for eating disorders treatment. Greenleaf is quoted on the role of outpatient therapy in the continuum of care. Take a look at the story (subscription required) at http://denver.bizjournals.com/denver/stories/2010/09/27/story7.html.

Thoughts on Teens & Social Media

2010-09-22T18:01:00.004-06:00

Social media is a primary means for teens to connect in this day in time. Texting, Facebook, MySpace, and many (many!) other social networking modalities have begun to replace daily face to face interactions. Teens can transmit and receive thoughts and suggestions in an instant with the push of a button.

Unfortunately, our teenage years are the ones when our mood is most volatile due to raging hormones, and that thought we can receive or transmit in an instant can be the one that causes a rapid mood swing for better or for worse. We can say exactly what we're thinking in a public forum, and people react accordingly.

For teens, a benefit of social media can be that it takes the pressure off of a face to face interaction. There's no need to interpret body language or non-verbal signals, and teens can combat anxiety about how they look as their body changes by hiding behind a screen. Teens can also take a minute to pause before responding to an email or Facebook post, whereas a face to face interaction would demand an almost immediate response.

The problem is that most people, teens included, tend to have a rapid relationship with technology where they respond right away to texts, emails or posts instead of sitting with it to determine an appropriate response. Social networking sites can also contribute to a kind of "group think" where we are easily susceptible to following the opinions of others without taking our own values into consideration. Developmentally, our teenage years are about relying more on the influence of our peers than much of anything else. So what does this mean when a teen starts bullying another teen online? In a lot of situations, it means that their friends follow suit.

This generation of teens has more access to technology than any one before it, and I (Courtney) don't think we know the implications of that yet. However, with studies that indicate that teens are more likely to be depressed the more time they spend online and ones that show how common online predators are toward teens and children, it is important not to lose site of the value of technology-free times every single day, where we can connect with each other face to face, authentically.

Teen Challenges: Back to School

2010-09-17T14:42:00.002-06:00

There are three schools along the route of my usual morning jog, and a few mornings a week now, I notice the mouth-watering smell of sausage permeating the air about 7AM. This can only mean one thing: school breakfast. My mother (Courtney) has been a teacher for almost thirty years, and so I am quite familiar with the smells of school breakfasts from many years of going early with her in the mornings (Super Donuts, anyone?). The new morning scent in my neighborhood is for me a sign that summer is over and the kids are back in the classroom.

Coming back to school after 12 weeks of freedom can be quite a challenge for many teens. They have gotten used to sleeping late, lots of time with friends, maybe a summer job, spending time alone if parents are working, and possibly even traveling. Not only can the work be a challenge, but peer relationships can blow up, negative behavior can escalate, and parents may wonder how to help support their teens in getting back on track if they derail right at the beginning.

Teens today face different challenges than any group of youth before them. Bullying happens not only in the hallways but also over Facebook, MySpace, and texting. Teens report escalating stress levels as it gets harder and harder to get into college, and teens also report stress as a result of the stress their parents feel over money, employment, and the current state of the economy. Schoolwork and standardized testing are getting more difficult and more common. In addition, puberty hits every teen at a different time, and sensing that they are early or late developers as they compare themselves to others can cause anguish and alienation. Not to mention drugs, alcohol, depression, self-harm, and many other types of negative behaviors.

Wow, I don’t miss being a teen.

All of these stresses and challenges can show up as slipping grades and behavior problems at school. Here are four ways parents can support their teen if they become aware of difficulties their teen is having at school:

1. Spend time with them. Make a conscious effort to make dates with your teen to do activities they enjoy, and be present while you’re with them. Teens don't want to be with their parents all the time, but most really enjoy having consistent activities together.

2. Get involved in your teen's school. Ask who their teachers are and what their favorite classes are this year. Be on a committee or in a booster club. Offer to help them find tutoring if they need it. Show your teen that you are there to support them academically and socially in the school environment.

3. Help your teen find extracurricular activities they enjoy. Encourage consistent connection with peers and healthy relationships.

4. Take care of yourself. If you are stressed or upset, your teen knows it. Try not to take out your negative emotions on your teen, but instead show them examples of both healthy relationships, positive activities, and healthy coping skills.

Parenting Class: How Every Parent Could Benefit

2010-09-06T14:17:00.004-06:00

As a parent, it is easy to bristle at the well-meaning advice of others. One of the most rewarding and challenging life tasks, parenting can be a source of both pride and defensiveness in the face of judgment by another. This reality can be especially true when it comes to parenting a teen.

At Greenleaf, we see many teens and their families, and parents often come to us at a loss of how to handle their teen's sometimes challenging behavior. Parents struggle to understand the developmental needs and challenges of their teens and also their changing role as a parent during their child's teen years (e.g. from the authority to more of an advising, consultant role). As a parent, probably the most difficult thing in the world is to watch your child struggling and in pain, and for teens, this state is a regular occurrence as they search for identity, become increasingly peer-oriented, and make more and more decisions (and mistakes) for themselves.

Greenleaf is excited to be offering a six week class beginning September 19 for parents of teens in conjunction with the Kirk of Bonnie Brae Church (http://www.kirkofbonniebrae.org/KBBhomepage.htm). The class will offer information about teen development, specific parenting strategies for parents of teens (e.g. how to connect, keeping the peace in your home, etc.), birth order and sibling influence, temperament, and when to be concerned and what to do if you become concerned about your teen.

Even if your relationship with your teen is great (congratulations, by the way!), taking a parenting class can increase your understanding of your child and help you anticipate potential challenges down the road. Seeking the help of a parenting class doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that you've failed; instead, looking for help and guidance signifies your commitment to your child and a desire to keep your skills and knowledge sharp.

Teens are an enigma in general, and teens today face different challenges than any generation before them with technology and a changing world. How will you help equip your teen for adulthood? What are your dreams for your teen and how can you support them in achieving their own dreams? Is maintaining open communication and connection with your teen even possible?

We hope you will join us for the class to discuss these and many other topics. Please contact us about registration.

Is Fat a feeling?

2010-08-25T12:47:00.003-06:00

Often times we hear "I feel fat today." I (Millie) tend to find this comment interesting since the word "fat" is actually an adjective, rather than a human emotion. It would be similar to saying "I feel purple today" or "I feel smooth today". So what are people trying to express when they make the statement, "I feel fat"? Often when people are feeling stressed, out of control with their lives, depressed, insecure, to name just a few feelings, some people start to focus on themselves and their appearance. So instead of saying, "I'm feeling stressed out", they focus on their phyisical beings. Why? Sometimes its easier to focus on something concrete rather than something abstract and out of your control.

Do you find that you are making similar comments?
Here are some suggestions to help you "break the habit":
1. Take out the judgment. Focus on how your body actually feels. For example, "my jeans feel a little tighter", or "I feel physically uncomfortable". This approach takes the judgment out of "feel fat" and connects you to what your body is actually experiencing.
2. Check yourself. In other words, what are emotionally feeling right now? Since "fat" isn't an emotion, maybe its insecurity, worry, stress, or sadness. Try to focus more on labeling your emotions, rather than judging your body.

How to handle Your Teens Undeveloped Brain

2010-08-16T09:37:00.002-06:00

Did you know that although your teen looks physically older, he or she actually won’t complete brain development until their early or mid twenties? This is true. The frontal lobes are the last parts of the brain to be finalized in their development. This area is responsible for judgment, decision making and planning among other things, which explains why teens have a difficult time realizing consequences of their actions, and understanding how their decisions may impact their life in 5-10-20 years. So how do you help your teen get through these years without making a “huge” mistake?

Here are some suggestions:
1. Be open, interested and understanding in their point of view and their experience.
2. Don’t be critical or judgmental.
3. Ask questions to help them think through things.
4. Allow them to make mistakes. This is the only way they will learn. And then talk with them
about other ways they could have handled the situation.

Cell Phone Overload

2010-08-11T14:23:00.001-06:00

Today, cell phones serve more than one purpose. They are game consoles, walkmans (aka iPods), mini-computers, internet and email servers, cameras, photo and video libraries, calendars, and the list goes on. All of these services theoretically are supposed to make life easier, however, they can result in loss of social skills, increased irritation (to you and the people you are with), increased isolation and depression. NBC reported on a study in china that found teens who spent more than 10 hours on the internet were 1.5 times more likely to be depressed. Although more needs to be studied in regards to this issue, it still raises some concern about technology.

Here are some ideas on how to become less “controlled” by technology, and more in-tuned with your life:
Cell Free Zones: create a space in your house or a time in your day (or both) that is free of cell phone calls, texts, emails, alerts. Use this time to read a book, go for a walk, enjoy a conversation with a person sitting right across from you.
Take a “mini-vacation” from your cellular device. In Colorado, the mountains help you take care of that because reception is inconsistent. Many people report that they are more rested and less stressed after a weekend or a long vacation if they did not have access to their cell phone, Blackberries, or iPhones.
No Interruptions: Have you ever been talking with a friend over coffee, when your friend suddenly picks up the phone and starts texting or starts talking on the phone, while giving you the “hold on a minute, this person is more important than you” sign? Have you been guilty of this? Unless it is an emergency, and lets be honest, it rarely is, its rude to answer calls and text other people while you are spending time with someone else, even if its family. This behavior also keeps you from being able to fully enjoy the time with the other person. So next time you are out with someone, atleast put it on silent or vibrate, so you can give your full attention, and make the other person feel like you actually want to spend time with him/her.

The Newly Engaged Couple

2010-02-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

Valentine’s Day, Christmas and New Years are the most popular times to get engaged. If you got engaged over these holidays, you are likely embarking on the great task of wedding planning. Thus, a very one-of-a-kind challenge begins for your relationship. He wants this, and you want something different. How do you talk about it? How and when do you compromise? How do you handle your future in-laws and your parents and their opinions?

Planning a wedding can be great practice for marriage because you both are forced to communicate your thoughts and opinions, and you will also have to compromise. Even if you are the most in-love people in the world, you will not always agree.

Communication:

Suggestion #1: Use “I” statements. Your partner will feel less defensive if you are talking about your experience and thoughts and not putting things on him/her.

For example:

“I understand that you want your high school band to play at our wedding, but I would really like to have Tony DJ because he has a lot of experience and we know he plays good dance songs.”

Instead of saying “Your high school band is awful and they would ruin everything. What a stupid idea.”

Another example: “When you keep making all the decisions without talking to me first, I feel left out and not important.” Instead of “You are making all the decisions! You are so selfish. What about my opinion?”

(Notice the pattern in the first example: Validation + expression of your wishes and why. The pattern in the second example: Identify a behavior + express how you feel.)

Suggestion #2: When you first see your fiancée, ask him/her how their day was. Give them time to unwind before launching into all the planning details you did that day and questions and to-do lists you have for then. This also applies to when you are married and you have stressful things to talk about, such as finances and parenting. Wait an hour or so after you both are home for work, and then ask, “Is this a good time to talk about finances or do you want to wait until after dinner?” This gives your partner the chance to say, “You know, today was really stressful. Can we talk about it this Saturday when we both have less going on?”

Suggestion #3: No name-calling. You saw some examples of that in the first suggestion: “You’re selfish, that’s stupid, you blankety blank blank.” Just don’t do it. Even if you are kidding or apologize later, it’s a tough aspect of arguments for couples to forgive.

Problem Solving:

He wants to have the wedding outside, with BBQ and a keg, while you were picturing something more elegant with a champagne fountain and a harp player. What do you do? Once again, this is just the first of many decisions in your life together that you will be navigating.

First: Set a time to sit down and talk about what you would like; remember “I” statements. (I would like ------ because ------.) Then the other partner reflects what you said (You would like----- because -----). This does not mean that your partner agrees, it just means he/she heard and understood you. Then it’s his turn to tell you what he would like.

So you have expressed and understood what each other wants.... and you still don’t agree. Now what?

Come up with some ideas of compromise:

(Have the keg and BBQ at the rehearsal dinner; instead of a harp you have a harpest on your iPod; have an elegant ceremony with a more casual reception.... you get the idea)

Then talk about them and decide which ones are possibilities.

Ultimately, one person will likely get more of what he/she wants, so make note that the next big decision you disagree on, maybe the other person gets more what he/she wants.

Compromise: great idea in theory, but a challenge to navigate, so tread lightly and remember that you love this person and you are trying to work it out.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Please email us

Millie@greenleafcc.com or Courtney@greenleafcc.com

Also, check out our Couples Class to brush up on your skills and keep that spark going.

www.greenleafcc.com/groups

Finding “The One”

2010-02-09T22:17:00.002-07:00

As a therapist working with adults at various stages of life, I often find myself in discussions about relationships and marriage. A topic that frequently arises in this vein is the idea of “the one” – as in, the person you are “supposed” to spend the rest of your life with. How do you find the one, how do you know it’s the one, what if you think it is but how can you be sure, I thought I had married the one but now we’re getting divorced… The discussion can take many turns. (I am also shamelessly addicted to “The Bachelor,” so in all honesty, it’s not just in a work setting that my mind drifts to this idea.)

So, the ONE… We live in a society where about half of all first marriages end in divorce, and the possibility of divorce increases with each subsequent marriage. Thus, it seems like we struggle a bit when it comes to the ‘til death do us part scenario. So, how do you know when you find the one? Is it love at first sight and fireworks and lightening and passion? Or is it a slow and steady awakening, where you get to know someone and realize they are your person? Maybe somewhere in between?

Often people find themselves months or years into a relationship that they thought was the one, only to see it sour and come to an end. They grieve not only the loss of the relationship, but also the loss of confidence in their ability to trust their intuition, the ability to recognize a good relationship when they see one. They want tangible ideas about how to know if they can consider being with someone forever.

Here are some tangibles that are central to any relationship:

Friendship: Friendship is the foundation of any marriage. You want to be able to laugh with someone and have a good time through the ups and downs.

Values: Are your values compatible? Can you find common ground and respect each other where they differ?

Attraction: Passion, building and sustaining intimacy. The spark.

Compatibility: Basically, can you live with this person forever? Do you want to?

Ultimately, though, I think finding “the ONE” comes down to the factors mentioned above, and then a decision. If all the cards fall into the right place and pretty much stay that way (every relationship has ups and downs), then you come to place in yourself where you make a commitment to be with someone. You decide, it’s worth it. I love this person so much that I want to weather the ups and downs of building a life together. Not just that you can.

Because basically, life doesn’t get easier, it gets more complicated. Having a mortgage or a kid won’t make a marriage work. The foundation has to be solid for those steps to be a good idea. The beginning of your relationship, the part where you were just getting to know each other and figuring out who you are as couple, that will be the part that you look back on with fondness during the 2AM feedings. If the beginning is already a rocky road, then it might be time to ask yourself some questions.

My husband said that his dad told him, don’t find someone you can live with, find someone you can’t live without.

Good advice.

February: Focusing on Couples Issues

2010-02-03T07:52:00.004-07:00

Valentine's Day is right around the corner, and love it or hate it, the holiday inevitably prompts people to think about love and relationships. So, we've decided to focus our weekly (more or less) blog posts during the month of February on couples issues during different phases of a romantic relationship or marriage. Specifically, we will look at issues like how to do you make your love last over time; navigating transitions in a relationship, like marriage and kids; intimacy; and searching for "the one."

To get us thinking about love, we wanted to start out with a short exercise on how you show love and experience love in order to become more mindful of our own "love language."

Showing Love
When do you feel most cared about and loved?
1 When your partner hangs up his/her towel after a shower.
2 When your partner makes time for you.
3 When your partner surprises you with a gift.
4 When s/he gives you physical affection.
5 When s/he verbally expresses his/her feelings for you.

You may have answered yes to each one, but which one makes you feel the most cared about? Knowing how you recieve love is important for both you and your partner to know. Likewise, it's important to know how your partner recieves love as well.

There is a wonderful book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/) that explains 5 different ways people express and recieve love. There is even a little quiz on their website much like the one above to take to discover which is best for you. Finding your language of love will help intensify your relationship and help you both feel closer to each other. They also have a book about love languages for kids that is fascinating.

Be mindful of how you give and experience love. Increased awareness of this central aspect of your relationship will help you feel love on a deeper level.

A Time to Reflect

2010-01-27T10:14:00.002-07:00

It's the end of January. Your bills have no doubt arrived from holiday gifts and travel. Your resolutions might have gone by the wayside at this point. The weather is dreary and there may not seem to be much on the horizon to look forward too.

But the fact is, we are still at the beginning of a new year, a new decade in fact. And not only is a new year beginning, but an old year is ending as well, this one the end of a decade that offered many changes, challenges, and triumphs. There are the changes that happened to us as a nation to consider, and then there are the personal challenges we each have faced at some point or another during the past year and/or decade. Some of us may be feeling fairly encouraged and ready to continue taking on the new year, while others of us may feel warn and weary, worried about what the rest of this year could add to the already stressful challenges. And then there are those of us who are in the middle.

No matter where you are on the spectrum, I encourage you to take some time to reflect on the past year.
Where were you a year ago?
What have you overcome?
What challenges did you face?
How have you grown?
What have you accomplished that you didn’t think possible?

Some of these questions may be easier to answer than others. I encourage you to take some time over the next few days to just pause and reflect.

Once you have reflected, take time to consider the future.
What do you hope for this year?
What do you fear?
How do you want to grow in the next 11 months?
How will you achieve those goals?

These are great items to talk about with family and friends, to journal or blog about, to express through art or poetry or music. Whichever way you express yourself, I encourage you to embrace this opportunity to reflect and give yourself credit for this past year, as well as to look to what's to come.

Vulnerability

2010-01-23T18:28:00.001-07:00

Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we all were able to ask for (and receive) help when we need it, if we were able to be imperfect around the people we care about? Too often I meet with people in my practice who feel unable to express need or challenge in their lives. I have even been one of these people myself at one time. This type of person feels like they have to pretend that everything is okay in order to be accepted by others and sometimes feels a sense of judgment in friendships, especially when they are struggling.

This process of shoving down feelings and covering up authentic emotions can wreck havoc on mood, fostering depression, anxiety, and a sense of inner turmoil. It can also isolate us from our community if we always feel like we have to be perfect before letting people in.

Last week’s blog was about finding a sense of community, which inherently involves relying on others and letting them see us for who we are. Everyone goes through periods in their life when they struggle or have greater need, or has times when they just need someone to talk to or laugh with. It is vital to have relationships with people we trust, where we feel safe enough to be vulnerable asking for help, or where we feel like we can let down our walls and be ourselves.

I used to spend several hours cleaning my house before I would let anyone come over. I loved having company and relished the time with my friends and family, but it was so much work for me that I barely could make it happen. Now I have realized a.) how little time I have to clean and b.) how much I love the company of my loved ones. Those two realities have necessitated allowing my community into a somewhat dirty house. It makes it easy to be together, and I no longer worry about what they’ll think of me if there’s a little dog hair on the floor.

The bottom line is, I want to create a world where it is okay to be ourselves, and I think that begins with each of us going out on a limb to do it, to be imperfect and let others see (and still love!) us that way. It begins with us telling it like it is and giving ourselves and the ones we love the grace to get it wrong, or to ask for something, knowing that the love and care underneath is enough to see us through.

Finding Community

2010-01-19T15:38:00.002-07:00

I got an email the other day from a member of my religious community inviting me to an “extended family” gathering. I had been hearing about these “extended families,” groups of people who have formed in the church to be together around holidays, cook meals when someone is ill or has a new baby, and just be a general source of support to members of the “family.”

These days, families of origin are more spread out than ever before. Many of us live several states away from our immediate and extended family, seeing them only periodically for short visits. Our close friends might be spread out all over the country or world as we move from place to place because of work or other life changes.

Given how spread out we become from our roots, it is vital to be mindful of finding a sense of community in the place where we live. We will always have occasions in life when we need support, caring, and someone to turn to, maybe because of a loss, an injury, a new baby, marriage or divorce. It may seem like we can always do it all on our own, but there will be times when we all need help from people we trust.

If you notice that you are lacking community in your life, or maybe you feel like you depend too much on just a few people, look a little further and see what you find. Sometimes friendships can be found in unlikely places. Take initiative to invite people you enjoy to events or cook someone a meal when they are in need. Your efforts to build connections will likely be repaid.

Most Depressing Day of the Year

2010-01-15T08:46:00.002-07:00

Have you heard that January 21 is considered to be the most depressing day of the year?!? Experts explain that by the 21st of January, bills from the holidays are piling up, New Year's resolutions are waning, and people have little to look forward to until summer. What can you do if you are finding yourself with the winter blues?

1. Resolution Make-Over:
Even if your resolution was to go to the gym EVERY day, and you've only been once in the last week, try to keep moving. Take a walk around the block, do crunches or lift weights while watching television. Instead of setting such a high expectation of going to the gym EVERY day, set a more realistic goal, like going 2 times a week. If you happen to go more, then great. Once you feel good about 2x a week, then you can up it to 3-4x a week. Often where people go wrong on resolutions is they set the bar too high and then give up quickly when they don't achieve their goals. Movement also helps relieve depression.

2. Feeling out of control on your finances?
Set a budget. Again, like with resolutions, if you blow it the first week, that's okay. It's rare people can follow a totally new financial regimen without slipping up. Look at what happened and try again, but I must warn you, it may take a few months before you are truly following the new budget you set January 1. Be patient with yourself.

3. Be part of your community:

Continue to make plans with friends. During January and February, we tend to stay inside more because of the cold weather, which leads us to socialize less and feel more lonely. Force yourself to leave your house and meet a friend for happy hour or dinner. If it's just too cold for you, call someone you haven't spoken to in a while or SKIPE with someone. SKIPE is free and allows you to use you computer as a long distance video phone.

4. The basics:

Make sure you are eating healthy, drinking enough water, and sleeping 6-8 hours. When we forget about these basics, we quickly start to slide down the depression hill.

Holiday Preparations

2009-12-15T18:50:00.003-07:00

The end of December can be a hectic time for people, especially for those celebrating Christmas. Even if you do not celebrate Christmas, you still have to deal with those who are stressed about travel and gifts, and you have to figure out what to do when almost everything shuts down for a day (except movie theaters and a few restaurants). No matter who you are, it can a demanding time and challenging to get through.

Over the next few weeks, try to use a few of these tips to help from feeling drained and frantic and allow yourself to enjoy the purpose of Christmas (if you are Christian) or enjoy the time off.

1. Be sure you drink enough water. Depending on where you live, this can be a dry time of year and easy to get dehydrated. On top of that, there are often holiday parties to attend and alcoholic beverages to consume. Hydration is also important for you immune system. If we don’t have enough water, we can’t stay well, and this is a fun time of year to be healthy and enjoy the festivities.

2. Sleep. Try to maintain your regular sleep pattern. This will help you feel energized and better able to enjoy the day. Again, sleep also helps your immune system.

3. Don’t overschedule. It's okay to say no to some things. Many times people feel like they have to say "Yes" to everything, especially if it comes to family events! Don’t be afraid to say, “let me check my calendar” to buy you some time to decide if you really want to attend this event.

4. Eat regularly. Have you ever skipped breakfast and lunch so you could eat more at a holiday dinner, but then found yourself eating everything in sight once you entered the party? This event usually happens because our bodies are starving. It's best if you can eat regular meals and then still be able to enjoy the delectable food at a party. It will also prevent you from over-eating and feeling guilty later.

5. Pause. Take time each day to just breathe and remind yourself of what the season is all about. Practice meditation, mindfulness, and/or prayer. This will help you feel centered during this hectic time.

If you are visiting family, be sure you check out our blog from Dec 7, 2009, "Different During the Holidays," for some tips on how to handle some of the awkward situations that happen when family gets together.

Needing some extra help getting through this stressful holiday season? Check out our website (click on the title of this blog) for a special holiday deal on counseling at Greenleaf, where we work to heal the whole.

Different During the Holidays

2009-12-07T07:01:00.002-07:00

For many young adults, the “joy” of returning home for the holidays becomes more like apprehension and dread. As you picture yourself walking through the door of your childhood home, either solo or with your new partner or spouse, you hear the questions that will inevitably come your way. “Have you gained weight?” “Are you seeing someone?” “Have you found another job yet?” “When are you going to make me a grandmother?”

Being a 20 or 30 something, the holidays can bring both joy and stress for various reasons. The quarter-life transition has many crossroads, including career definition, new relationships, and family planning. As you enter your adult life, with all the doubts and uncertainty that come with making so many life-altering decisions, when the holidays descend, everyone in your family wants to know what you’re up to and offer their opinion on the choices you’ve made.

“You need to lose weight.” “You need to find yourself a nice girl, what about Mary Smith?” “Why can’t you find a job? Jerry got one three weeks after he was laid off.” In many of these statements, it’s easy to suspect an undertone of “something’s wrong with you.” A person’s twenties are the time for them to become independent from family, and this individuation process can be made all the more challenging by the doubts that creep in when family questions life choices.

Making different choices than other family members can add a particular measure of stress to family questioning. “Different” for a 20 or 30 something can look like being single, married without children, divorced, or making career or other life decisions that seem alternative to some family members.

It’s difficult being the single one, especially when most friends and siblings are married. Not only are people trying to set you up, but part of you starts to feel lonely as you see others live out the life you would like to have. Since over fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, many within the first seven years, being a young divorcee can carry with it painful memories that make the blind date set-ups even more or a nuisance.

Being married without children can also distract from holiday cheer for quarter-lifers. First there was the pressure to get married, and you (hopefully) feel lucky to have found someone to spend the rest of your life with. Now, you may have been married less than a year and the pressure starts again, this time about having babies.

Women tend to internalize this pressure to procreate or find a partner more than men, as it’s part of the female evolutionary biology to work on a reproductive time clock. It is particularly difficult to endure questions about pregnancy if you’re trying to get pregnant and have not had success. Yours or your spouse’s family questioning can create a constant reminder of infertility.

Often questions like “When are you going to make me a grandparent?” or “Why aren’t you dating someone?” are motivated out of love and not insensitivity, but a more healthy holiday will ensue if you can draw the line with family between acceptable and unacceptable questions. Here are some tips for a healthier holiday:

Anticipate uncomfortable or painful family questions in advance and be prepared with responses. It’s okay to answer with statements like, “I’ll date someone when I’m ready. Please don’t ask us about it” or “Glad you’re excited to be a grandparent! That will be a neat time when/if it happens.”
Stage a preliminary strike by bringing up the sensitive topic first and getting it out of the way.
Make time for yourself by trying to get 30-60 minutes a day to unwind. Go for a run, read the paper at your local coffee shop, pray or meditate. As human beings, if we spend too much time with anyone, we are likely to disagree, a reality that is especially true with family.
If you have friends you want to see, be sure you make plans to spend time with them. Your friend might even have it worse off and be able to offer a little perspective!
Try to maintain your normal sleep and eating pattern in order to help with stress management. Holidays tend to be coupled with alcohol, and proper nourishment will help you keep your wits about you so you don’t say something you regret later.

Mindful Safety

2009-12-03T12:26:00.002-07:00

'Tis the season of rushing about, flying from one thing to the next, trying to get one more thing done before the day is finished. When we have so much going on, we tend to be less aware of what is happening around us, including our safety. This holiday season, petty thieves are after small electronics, like iPods, iPhones, cameras, etc. Here are some reminders of how to be safe and protect your belongings this holiday season:

1. As you are racing out of your car, don’t forget to unplug your iPod and lock your car. Don’t leave anything of value in your vehicle.

2. When walking in the parking lot to your favorite store, be aware of who is around you; look under your car and in the backseat before getting in your car after shopping.

3. Do not be embarrassed to ask a security person to walk with you to your car, if anything, just to help carry the gifts you just bought.

4. As you are running out of the house to hit the sales or to pick up your children, turn on your alarm (if you have one) and lock your doors.

5. Put some lights on timers in your house, and rotate them or change the time every few days.

Introverted during the Holidays

2009-12-02T07:18:00.002-07:00

The week after Thanksgiving, some of my clients drag themselves into my office and talk about how nice the holidays were, but also how exhausted they feel. This reaction, unfortunately, happens a lot around the holidays for people who tend to be more introverted. Introverted people enjoy being around others but also feel drained by too much “togetherness." On the other hand, extroverts tend to feel energized by being around people.

So, how can introverts enjoy the holidays, and yet not feel completely wiped out by the end of the season? Here are a few tips:

1. If you keep a planner, be sure to schedule some “down” time for yourself to read a book, take a nap, pray, or do whatever it is that helps you feel refreshed.

2. Although you may receive a lot of invitations, you do not have to say yes to every party and gathering. I’ve found that most introverts I’ve worked with discover that one holiday party a weekend, or one evening party and one daytime gathering a week, was a nice balance.

3. Shopping can be overwhelming. Try to hit the stores during less busy times (weekdays), or shop online.

4. If you can afford to, take a personal day during the week to pamper yourself. That may mean shopping, or it could be staying at home, watching a movie and cooking a nice meal for yourself.

Most people look forward to the holidays. If you tend to be introverted, be good to yourself, and allow yourself some down time so you can fully enjoy the season of joy.

World AIDS Day

2009-12-01T12:30:00.003-07:00

December 1, 2009 marks our 21st annual World AIDS Day, a day where we see both advances and setbacks in the state of HIV and AIDS. New infections of HIV have dropped and less children are born with the disease because of medical advances, but still, each day in Africa, 4,000 people die of AIDS-related complications, leaving behind children both healthy and sick that have no one to care for them. Discrimination is still widely problematic for HIV and AIDS-affected individuals all around the world, as there are lingering misconceptions and ignorance about the disease itself.

People have even begun to view HIV/AIDS as a chronic illness in some ways rather than a terminal one, despite the fact that it has no cure or vaccine at this time. Prevention programs seem to help, but for every two people on treatment for HIV/AIDS, five are newly-infected, signaling that there are still many groups that need to be reached through such efforts.

The bottom line is, that while HIV/AIDS has largely receded from the spotlight in the United States, it is still a widespread problem across the world that demands awareness and action. Look for ASOs (AIDS Services Organizations) in your area to support if you feel called to do so, like this great organization in the Denver area - http://www.fromhivtohome.org/ - which helps get HIV and AIDS-affected orphans into loving, nurturing homes where they can thrive.

Thinking about HIV/AIDS and their effect on the last several decades can be heart-breaking and overwhelming, but if you want to get involved, it can help to focus on a specific aspect of the epidemic, like working on education and prevention or volunteering for your local AIDS walk. I used to cook meals at a foster home for children with HIV and AIDS, because it was something I knew how to do and a way I felt I could make a difference. How will you make a difference this World AIDS Day?

Just wanted to end this short week with a picture...

2009-11-25T06:51:00.001-07:00

Gratitude

2009-11-25T06:43:00.002-07:00

People have a lot of different feelings about Thanksgiving. Some choose not to celebrate it, instead spending the time remembering the oppression of native peoples by settlers in this country. Others use it as time to remember part of our nation’s rich history or think about things or people they’re thankful for. People who are recovering from an eating disorder, grieving a loss, or experiencing family discord can have a particularly difficult time with the holiday.

Personally, I tend to have mixed feelings about the meaning of Thanksgiving because of the implications for Native Americans. However, despite having mixed feelings about the history of the holiday, I believe that a very valuable exercise that often comes up at Thanksgiving is expressing gratitude.

When I have hosted Thanksgiving in the past, I ask everyone to go around the table and talk about something they’re thankful for (yes, my friends can verify this!). People seem to dislike it at first, but ultimately it ends up being a wonderful way to get to know people better and reflect on our blessings.

Sometimes it is so easy to only see what we lack or want instead of what we already have. This year, as I reflect on what I’m grateful for, many things come to mind, including my friends, family, spirituality, books, nature, and art. I can look back on a year of memories since last Thanksgiving and notice many people and experiences that have brought me joy. I try to express my thanks and appreciation to people who enrich my life, and I find that it is more difficult in times of stress and worry. However, I notice that if I am mindful of each experience as it happens, it is easier for me to be thankful in the moment. As John F. Kennedy said, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

Expressing gratitude doesn’t only have to happen on the last Thursday in November. Making a gratitude list can be a great way to start every day. Simply take a few minutes when you wake up to mindfully list what you are thankful for, even just five or ten things. You might be surprised about how it changes your perspective for the whole day.

Mindful Shopping

2009-11-24T11:20:00.002-07:00

It's that time of year again. Thanksgiving is in just two days, and Walmart already started its Holiday sales while other retailers are eagerly awaiting Black Friday. Even though the recession may be coming to an end soon, many of us are still watching our wallets. If you missed our Blog entry on Finances, you might want to take a look at it. If you already read it, you may want to review it again before stepping out the door or pulling up your chair to the computer.

Here are some tips to mindful holiday gift-giving:

1. Make a list, check it twice. What are you checking for? Guilty gift-giving. Everyone has at least one person they give a gift to, not because they want to, but because they know that person will give them a gift and they don’t want to seem cheap or rude. My advice, give the gifts you want to give and save your money on the rest. Yes, it may be awkward this year, but my guess is next year you won’t be getting a gift from that person. Send a card instead.

2. What are you buying? America is the land of clutter and needless items. I struggle with clutter myself, but when buying gifts, I am mindful of possible clutter items. Think of things your loved ones can use.

3. How Much? Sometimes we set a dollar amount that we want to spend on a person, and then find something less in monetary value but high in personal value, so then we go ahead and buy something else in order to match the monetary goal. Don’t feel guilty about what you spend. The person appreciates the thought, not the dollar amount. Buy what you think will be meaningful to the person, not what satisfies a monetary expectation.

4. Don’t stray from your list, unless you are replacing one item of equal or lesser monetary value.

5. In lieu of presents... Most of us don’t need much, but many out there do. Instead of giving gifts to your four adult siblings with well-paying jobs and their spouses, think about adopting a family in honor of your family, or giving your time to a charity in honor of your loved ones. Ask your loved ones to do the same for you or even join you in the activity. Memories of your time together serving others will last much longer than a material gift.

Mindful Health Care Decisions

2009-11-19T17:04:00.000-07:00

On Monday, Nov 16, new Breast Cancer Screening Guidelines were released that raised many eyebrows and caused a great backlash against the guidelines. I may be a doctor, but I am not a medical doctor, and all I can rely on is what my trusted medical doctors say and the studies these guidelines are based on. Whether it's breast cancer, immunizing our children, or controversial questions such as “what really impacts the development of Autism?”, we have an individual responsibility to do our own research into the facts.

20-30 years ago hormone replacement therapy (HRT) was very popular and said to be safe. But if you were an adult during that time and read the research, you may have noticed some concerns and uncertainties about the safety of HRT (of that time, not at present). Later, warnings were put out that women who took HRT were at higher risk for breast cancer, especially those with a genetic risk as well. This is just one example in which looking at the studies that claims are being based on can greatly impact your decision on how you handle your health care.

Part of being mindful is being aware, and one way of becoming aware is educating yourself. Yes, listen to the experts, find good doctors that you trust, but don’t be afraid to do some research of your own. Even ask your doctor how he or she came to the conclusion on treatment, ask her about the studies he or she read about that helped inform the decision for your care.

My point is that we are our own advocates, and if we don’t look into the background of what is being reported to us in the news, we have no one to blame for the personal results but ourselves. Be proactive, do your research and ask questions. There’s nothing more empowering than educating yourself on health care concerns that may personally impact you or a loved one today or in the future.

Mindful Exercise

2009-11-18T18:04:00.000-07:00

It seems that every time I am at the gym, the same 2 women are on the stair machine. This isn’t the stairmaster, this is the machine that has actual stairs. These women appear to be dragging themselves never-endingly up the stairs while leaning all of their weight on their wrists, and they look miserable.

My guess is that they are not mindfully exercising.

So what is mindful exercise?

Good question. When you are aware of your body and how you feel within it while you are working out, you are mindfully exercising. You are aware of when you are too tired to do an exercise properly; you notice a slightly pulled muscle when lifting, preventing you from injuring yourself more; you are in tune to your thirst and energy level, which keeps you from overheating and exhausting yourself.

We are coming up on the holidays, after which many people jump into exercise. If you need help being more mindful with exercise to help with your upcoming resolution, or preholiday fitness boost, feel free to email or call us. You don't have to struggle alone.

Meeting the Body’s Needs with Awareness

2009-11-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

Ever find yourself at the end of long day and realize that you ate all your meals in the car? Frequently notice that you skip breakfast, shovel a donut in your mouth between meetings, and come home from work starving? Experiencing digestion problems? Haven’t slept for more than six hours a night in the past month?

All of these could be signs of hectic eating patterns that can lead to or stem from overeating, under-eating, weight disturbances, anxiety, depression, and poor health. In today’s fast-paced world, many of us struggle to find time for some of life’s most basic components, such as sleeping or eating. However, we would benefit to place these fundamental activities as a starting point for our day rather than an afterthought.

When was the last time you listened to your body? What did it tell you? Maybe it said, “I need to go to bed early tonight,” or “I’d love some granola for breakfast.” Maybe it said, “Take a walk,” or “Go have tea and laugh with a friend.” Listen to your body's signals. All of the rest of the events of our life happen because we have a body, so take care of it, and don't fool yourself into thinking other things are more important.

Getting into the Gray

2009-11-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." This is a quote I think of often, especially when I find myself wishing for (or complaining about!) a situation or change I think is necessary. I try to do my best to advocate for causes I'm passionate about, and I learned a long time ago that the changes I hope to see in the world aren't the only ones I need to work for. The changes I wish to see in myself are also my responsibility.

I think it's easy to make the mistake of waiting on external events to make internal changes. We wait for New Year's Day to start our resolutions. We think a baby will make our marriage better, or we decide we'll be able to get sober once we get a new job. We think weight loss or plastic surgery will make a partner stay faithful, or we tell ourselves we'll stop shopping so much once we stop feeling so lonely. These are examples of black and white thinking, and for many people they lead to a lot of disappointment.

If you want something to be different in your life, very little that happens outside of you is going to be the magic bullet that creates change. You have to make it happen for yourself, to get into the gray area of thinking about your actions, the consequences, and how to live the kind of life you want to have. For example, what will having a baby do for an unhappy marriage? Besides making for a lot of sleepless nights, not a whole lot. Some internal problems at the heart of a lot of these dilemmas are things like dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, depression, and unresolved grief and loss.

When you find yourself looking to an external change or solution to ameliorate internal concerns, ask yourself, "How will ____ make ____ better? What will be so different that I will finally be able to ____?" See what you come up with. Search for the core issue, the thing inside of you at the heart of the matter. Be mindful of your appetites and desires and how to honor what you wish for.

I'm going to conclude with a poem from Audre Lorde, one of my favorite poets, that I think speaks to this point.

Stations
by Audre Lorde

Some women love to wait for life
for a ring in the June light
for a touch of the sun to heal them
for another woman's voice
to make them whole
to untie their hands
put words in their mouths
form to the passages
sound to their screams
for some other sleeper to remember
their future
their past.

Some women wait for their right train
in the wrong station
in the alleys of morning
for the noon to holler
the night come down.

Some women wait for love
to rise up
the child of their promise
to gather from earth
what they do not plant
to claim pain for labor
to become
the tip of an arrow
to aim at the heart of now
but it never stays.

Some women wait for visions
that do not return
where they were not welcomed
naked
for invitations to places
they always wanted to visit
to be repeated.

Some women wait for themselves
around the next corner
and call the empty spot peace
but the opposite of living
is only not living
and the stars do not care.

Some women wait for something to change
and nothing does change
so they change
themselves.

Fall of the Berlin Wall: Mindfulness of Freedoms

2009-11-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

20 years ago today it was announced that the Berlin Wall would be no more, symbolizing the end of the Cold War. This picture http://www.winnipegsun.com/news/world/2009/11/09/11685196.html shows numerous people walking along dominoes that have been placed where the wall used to stand today, Nov 9, 2009. The demise of the Wall symbolized more than the end of the Cold War for the German people. It stood for a new oppurtunity of peace and freedom.

Reflecting on this event and all that it means brings me to be mindful and grateful for the freedoms I enjoy each day. Each morning I am allowed to walk out the door without a male chaperon, not need persmission for what I wear, and without worrying about gunfire or mines along the road. I am privileged to co-own my business and be free to practice my trade outside the home. As an American woman, I can have an opinion and share it with anyone who will listen, no matter the message. I can choose to have one child or ten, or none. Theoretically I am seen as an equal to men, and recognize my right to be safe and secure in my surroundings. And the list goes on. I think you get the point.
Although this is a tough time for many people financially, there is still a lot to be grateful for. As you remember the fall of the Berlin Wall, take a moment and notice the blessings you experience everyday.

Colorado Coalition for Girls 3rd Annual Conference

2009-11-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

Greenleaf presented at the Colorado Coalition for Girls today and had a great experience attending the conference. The Colorado Coalition for Girls works to help the half a million girls in Colorado reach their full potential. Greenleaf spoke about the impact of eating disorders on girls and how professionals can assist with treatment and prevention.

Naomi Wolf said, "More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before, but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers." The images that girls are surrounded by have changed so much in the past 20 years, and they are manipulated to such an extent that they set an unattainable standard for women and girls. Anorexia is starting earlier and earlier, with girls as young as 7 or 8 believing they should be dieting. Eating disorders are underdiagnosed in women of color but occur as often as they do in white women.

Keynote speaker Nell Merlino, founder of Count Me In (http://www.makemineamillion.org/) and Take Our Daughters to Work Day, spoke about the conference theme: Why Girls?. She said, it will be Why Girls? for her until women are paid the same as men in the work place and have equal opportunities. It will be Why Girls? for us until then too.

Let's help build a world where our girls believe in themselves as much as we believe in them, where they love themselves as much as we do. Let's start today.

Quiet Time

2009-11-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

Quiet Time: a time of peace and serenity, with little to no distractions.

How often do you have quiet time? My guess is not very often. In today's busy world, it can be a struggle to find even 5 minutes of quiet. With cell phones ringing or beeping with phone calls, texts, tweets, emails and facebook updates, it can be hard to not always be on edge, aniticipating the next sound. Anticipation and excitement is not a bad thing, but if we are surrounded by it all the time, we become more anxious, stressed, and fatigued. Our bodies and minds were not made for 24 hour stimulation.

What does quiet time do for you?

1. Brings a sense of balance to your day.

2. Decompresses you from daily stresses.

3. Lessens anxiety.

4. It helps clear your mind, so you can return to your job with more focus and feeling refreshed.

So, what does quiet time look like? It depends on the person. Here are some suggestions for you to try:

1. Take a hike, with the phone off and no IPod.

2. Go for a walk in the park.

3. Spend time reading a good book, the Bible, or an inspirational article.

4. Turn off the radio in the car, and just be mindful of your drive.

5. Meditate.

6. Pray.

How do I make time for Quiet Time:

1. Wake up thirty minutes early or stay up for thirty minutes.

2. Take it 5 minutes at a time. One woman would take bathroom breaks and would actually go sit in the bathroom for 5 minutes reading or meditating.

3. Turn off the TV for thirty minutes. You can tape your show or catch up on the news online later or in the next news broadcast.

4. Schedule it in your day planner. If it's written down as part of your day, you are more likely to follow through.

5. Eat lunch during the work day outside.

Comment on how you use quiet time in your daily life and how it has impacted your daily living.

Ten Year Reunion

2009-11-03T05:43:00.000-07:00

Today I received an invite, through Facebook, about my ten year reunion. First of all, it’s amazing to think it has been ten years, and now I am receiving an invitation through a source of communication that didn’t even exist when I graduated! Immediately I thought: Absolutely Not Going To This, At All! Everyone hates reunions! So my mind was making some pretty big judgments about what the experience would be like, and of course they were all negative .

Part of being mindful is not judging, and I horribly failed in that moment. But, instead of sending an impulsive, and regretably somewhat snide response back, I “paused”. I often find that “pausing” after having such an emotional response to something, but before acting on it, keeps me from making an a** of myself. Pardon my language.

Part of being mindful is describing the experience. Description helps take the judgment out of it, and balances the emotions with the rational part of myself. So I took some time and described the situation:

1. I got an invite to see people I have not seen or heard from, except maybe once through Facebook, in 10 years.

2. I do not know who is going to be there.

3. I feel uncomfortable not knowing what the situation will be like (feelings are not judgments).

4. I can ask my friends that I am still in touch with if they are going. If they are, I will more seriously consider going.

5. I do not have to respond today. I can wait until after the first of the year.

Okay, so you get the idea. By describing what was going on, I was able to sort out what was really going on (I was uncomfortable about not knowing what the situation would be like). And I was able to come up with a reasonable solution (ask friends and wait to respond until later). Now that's much more reasonable that an embarrassingly shameful Facebook message back to the poor soul organizing this event.

Life is full of surprises, and of unfortunate events such as reunions. But before reacting, take a moment, notice your experience without judgment. You might be surprised what reasonable action you might take.

Financially Mindful

2009-10-29T08:23:00.000-06:00

Today is the 80th anniversary of the Crash of 1929 on the Stock Market, otherwise known as Black Tuesday. Many have compared our recent economic circumstances to those of 80 years ago, and yet, many would argue that people in 1929 were worse. No matter who is saying what, the truth is many of us are watching our wallets, paying off debts, trying desperatly to raise our credit scores while saving for a child's education or for retirement. Believe it or not, there is a mindful way to manage your finances. Here are a few tips to help:

1. Make a list before you grocery shop. A list will help you remain focused on what you really need and distract you from impulse buys, like an extra bag of candy for halloween or a silly back scratcher loofa.

2. At the grocery store, be aware of what is above and below you. Items tend to be cheaper on the top and bottom shelves. Notice the generic brands. They tend to be cheaper and just as good as name brands.

3. At the mall, go with a purpose. If you are just shopping for winter gloves, just go to the outdoor store, and be mindful of the section you are in. If you find yourself meandering over towards the skis, notice how nice the skis look (and how expensive), then remind yourself of the 10 year old pair you have at home, and of how wonderful it will feel to pay for those new ones in cash, on sale, next year after you have paid down those credit cards. Then go to Target and get $10 pair of gloves. Stay warm.

4. Online shopping can be dangerous. Have you ever noticed the vacant zombie look people have when they are online? It’s hard to be present when online, which makes it so easy to just click and forget about what you have spent. Before you sit down at your computer, place what you can afford to spend in cash next to you. This gives you a physical representation of cost. Then, before making a purchase, count it out, and then mindfully ask yourself: A: Do I need this? and B: Can I afford it? The answers are usually “NO” and “NO”. At that point, write it down on a “wish list” to give to family and friends for your birthday, and congratulate yourself on not being a zombie and taking action by saving some green.

5. Mindfully cook at home. It's cheaper, it can be fun, and your home will naturally be filled with wonderful aromas that will make you and your family feel cozy and comfy. My boyfriend once told me that when he first started dating me, he loved coming over because the smells from my cooking reminded him of the home he grew up in. Who knows what mindfully cooking will remind you of?

6. BUDGET. Make one. If you have never kept track or counted your receipts, try it this month. Notice where your retirement cash is going. For some of you it may be Starbucks; for others of you, it may be going to Gucchi and Dolce and Gabana. Check out Goodwill, Ross, Target, and Walmart. Great looks, for MUCH cheaper. If you find a cute outfit, put it on hold for a day. You can always come back and buy it tomorrow if you are still thinking about it. OR better yet, ask the sales lady to let you know when it goes on sale (Yes, you can really do this). It’s common to get caught up in the excitement of buying something. However, most of the time you will have forgotten about it in less than 24 hours.

These are just a few of many great tips.

Need help managing money? Check out these books for more info:

Make Money, Not Excuses by Jean Chatsky

Money Smart Women By Janet Bodnar (Associated with Kiplinger’s)

Mindful Mini-Vacation

2009-10-27T07:18:00.000-06:00

I spent last weekend up in mountains with some friends. Usually I don’t set goals, per say, for my weekend getaways, but this time I thought I would try to be a little more mindful. Here is what I set out to do:

1. Keep TV and movies and chatter radio to a minimum.

2. Be present and fully participate in the weekend activities with my friends.

3. Avoid thinking about things outside of the weekend activities.

So how did I do? Not too bad, if I do say so myself, and the results of being mindful were amazing. The television was off 90% of the weekend, and there wasn’t any internet available! As a result, I had some amazing conversations with my friends, was able to enjoy knitting a baby sweater I’ve been working on, and I noticed that my body was relaxed. In addition, I left my watch in my bag the entire weekend, and after the first day, I realized the freedom of not having a schedule!

For most of the meals, we cooked. At first, I found myself stressed about there being enough food and hoping there was something for everyone to eat, but, after noticing this undue stress, I took a deep breath, and focused on the cooking skills of my friends and the fabulous food we were enjoying. I learned a lot just by watching and being present. Each meal was eaten at the table, again television off, and the conversation and laugter was like none I have experienced in a while.

Of course work and other worries unrelated to the weekend crept in, as they tend to do, but after noticing this, I did not chastise myself, but rather wrote down what was on my mind (so I could worry about it later if I wanted ;-) and then brought my attention back to the moment. I went for a nice walk with a friend while it was lightly snowing. Feeling the brisk air on my face and admiring the tiny intricate snow flakes on my coat reminded me of being a simple, innocent child.

I’m sure I would have had fun this weekend whether or not I was mindful, but being mindful added so much value and substance to my experience. It also helped me relax more than I probably would have.

Next time you take a mini vacation, try these things to be more mindful:

1. Take your watch off.

2. Turn off the TV and chatter radio.

3. Leave your cell phone off or on silent, and leave your computer at home.

4. Have something else to do: cooking, reading, knitting, hiking, play games or sports

5. Be kind to yourself - gently redirect when you notice you are thinking about work and other worries.

Posting by Dr. Millie M. Riss

Increasing Awareness: Foster Care in the United States

2009-10-26T08:37:00.000-06:00

Part of increasing overall awareness is fostering a sense of mindfulness about worldly events. A few of our blogs will focus on some such realities, not to bring people down but to help offer a sense of perspective and action ideas for change.

Today we will focus on the foster care system, which has many excellent people working to make it better but is still increasingly overrun and under-funded. Some staggering statistics:

In the year 2007, when we have the last reliable statistics, 1% of the population of children and youth had experienced substantiated neglect or abuse.
At any given point in 2007, .7% of the U.S. population was in foster care.
57% of children and youth in foster care meet clinical criteria for a mental health disorder.
The most alarming of all: Less than 3% of kids who grow up in foster care will go on to graduate from college.

African Americans and other ethnic minorities are also overrepresented in foster care, and once a child enters their teen years, they will likely age out of foster care rather than find a forever home. Teens tend to go to group homes or residential treatment facilities, where once again, there are great people on staff working to make a difference in their lives, but the kids themselves report that they need more: more attention, more love, more belief that they will be able to succeed.

In Colorado, groups of foster youth have worked in recent years to pass legislation that helps put them in a better situation when they exit foster care, like requiring case workers to present them with a birth certificate and a social security card in order to close their file and being able to have more of a voice in court about what happens to them. The kids are working to make changes for themselves, but as a society, we can still do better.

Have you ever thought about fostering, adopting, or even mentoring a child or teen in your community? If you have, pursue it. It makes such a difference to these children and youth to have even one caring adult in their life, someone they can count on to believe in them unconditionally. Remember - "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." (Cortez)

The Sacred

2009-10-22T06:55:00.000-06:00

The above photo is from a small town in Texas called Leakey. Leakey has a population of 399 (at least the last time I read the sign!) and sits on the Frio River. The Frio is a long river that moves through the Texas Hill Country, surrounded by sweeping Cypress trees and rolling hills. My family has been vacationing in Leakey for close to 20 years, and it is a sacred spot to me. When I arrive on the banks of the Frio, I feel calm. I dip my feet in and am flooded with memories of family, laughter, food, and fun.

We live in a time where there is little that is sacred anymore. We are so rushed in our obligations that we forget to notice all of our opportunities connect with something beyond ourselves, which is what I think of as the sacred. When was the last time you said a blessing or thought of what you were grateful for before a meal? When did you last spend a few minutes in the morning stretching your arms and legs, feeling thankful for all they allow you to do? What rituals are part of your day that, when you really think about them, start to seem sacred to you?

As a therapist, I feel like I have the honor of participating in a sacred profession, where I can hear and hold other people's stories. I talk a walk each morning that feels like a sacred time with myself, where I can think, look at the trees around me, and start my day centered rather than haphazard. Certain books and poems are sacred to me. Dinner with my husband over a candle is a sacred time for us to reconnect.

In the wonderful book The Slow Down Diet (2005), author Marc David talks about how a connection with the sacred helps with all aspects of life, particularly metabolism and physiology. He writes this about how to slow down and feel the sacred again: "Allow your body and your outlook to be new again. Let the journey be what it is, because that's what it will be anyway. When uncertainty reigns, let it be your guide. When your inner knowing issues forth, follow it with trust and self-respect... Before you limit yourself with a diet, expand yourself with love. Before you lose a pound, gain an insight. Before you exercise, be still. Before you attempt to cast out a bad habit, thank it for its teachings. Before you harm yourself in thought, word, or deed, pause... Before you seek advice, remember your wisdom. Before you speak, make sure it's an improvement on silence... Before you eat, give gratitude. Before you sit for long hours, dance. Before you arise, bless everything. Before you sleep, do the same. Before you live another day, agree to be here in your fullness." (pgs. 186-187)

Some text (marked with quotes) taken from David, M. (2005). The Slow Down Diet. Rochester, Vermont: Healing Arts Press.

Everyday Tasks

2009-10-20T17:00:00.000-06:00

I just spent part of the afternoon cooking and doing dishes. I had several things on my list to cook: banana bread for the new neighbors, pesto with herbs that were going bad in my fridge, hazelnut biscuits for an upcoming trip, etc. I have evening plans, and I found myself rushing through each item, hurrying to wash and put away the dishes and wipe down the counters. Now I find myself with an extra hour before I have to leave, and I realize I rushed through my cooking without awareness. I couldn't tell you about the smell of the basil mixing with the olive oil, or how the toasted hazelnuts looked as I kneaded them with oats and flour. I have little memory of the banana bread, except for the smell of the hot loaves that has now filled my house! (Yummy.) I couldn't describe the feel of the water running over my hands as I washed the dishes, or which towel I used to dry them off. I spent this afternoon constantly focused on the next thing.

In The Miracle of Mindfulness, Thich Nhat Hanh eloquently describes how to mindfully complete everyday tasks. He talks about using our five senses to involve ourselves fully in all we do. After all, every day we have is a gift, and if we aren't present for it, then what is the point? We miss so much, like the feast of the senses that I missed out on this afternoon, constantly thinking I need to hurry, I need to hurry. When we use all of our senses to be present during each moment, even everyday "chores" can become an adventure.

Be present in what you do. Gift yourself with a sense of slowness, and take the time to experience your everyday tasks. See what you discover.

Living with Awareness

2009-10-19T16:24:00.000-06:00

First of all, our apologies for neglecting the blog! Things have been a little hectic at Greenleaf and in life. But we’re back with a creative theme to take us through the end of the year that we hope you will find enriching…

Greenleaf will be starting a series of articles on this blog about Living with Awareness. The holiday season can be one of the most hectic times of year for people, making it a great time to really focus in on mindfulness and how to live an aware, inspired, happy life, every single day.

How do you know if there’s an area of your life that could use more awareness? It requires a little digging. An area that could use more awareness is one either that your gut is telling you to tend to, or one that you simply don’t have memory of on a day-to-day basis. Let’s take a few examples. Do you frequently find yourself wrenched from sleep by a blaring alarm, blindly grasping for the coffee pot with your slippers on the wrong feet, and moving through your day from coffee to soda to latte, stomach churning under the influence of all that caffeine? Your gut might be trying to tell you that you need more sleep. Or maybe you often come home from work and find yourself asking your husband about his day, only to discover that he has been talking for fifteen minutes and you have no idea what he said. Your lack of memory of these conversations is probably telling you to bring more awareness to that relationship.

If these examples don’t ring any bells for you, think back through the last 24 hours and see if you can come up with any happenings that seem cloudy or didn’t go the way you wanted them too. Maybe you have no idea what you ate for your last meal, or you can’t remember when you last went for a walk or sat and read a book. Then ask yourself, what area of your life could use more awareness? It could be spirituality, movement, eating, relationships, parenting, self-care, or any number of things.

The bottom line is, this blog series is going to be your chance to think through different areas of your life and see if you are living them in a “present” way. We only get one life, and making peace with that journey involves showing up for all of it, the good, the bad, and everything in between, and learning how to live in accordance with our values.

We hope you will take this journey into awareness with us.

Remembering 9/11

2009-09-11T11:22:00.001-06:00

Today I'm thinking a lot about 9/11 and the days that followed... mostly the images, the grief, how much loss and suffering that was experienced all over the world. The President has declared today the first annual National Day of Service and Remembrance in honor of 9/11. Check out the details at http://911dayofservice.org/ and even share your plan of service and commitment to your community.

Also, I encourage you to check out the many articles, photographs, and essays from those who experienced the tragedy or lost someone in it. This one I found to be particularly moving from the NY Times - http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/11/showcase-49/?hp. In the reader comments to that article, I found this piece - http://www.burnmagazine.org/ - which I also thought was highly significant, both the photographs and the comments on the site.

People have a wide variety of reactions to this tragedy, and I think these reactions signify the different ways we experience grief as human beings. Finding meaning is sometimes a way to move forward, not forgetting, but deepening remembrance and significance of the lives of those we lose. Things don't always happen for a reason, and we can still look for ways to learn from tragedy when we are ready.

What is Group Therapy?

2009-09-09T17:04:00.000-06:00

Ever wondered how other people perceive you? Feel like you struggle sometimes during interpersonal interactions? Many people find helpful answers to these questions when they utilize group therapy as their change modality. Groups can be an efficient, inexpensive way to maximize therapeutic benefits, particularly when social relationships are part of your presenting concerns. While it may seem scary at first to sit in a room full of people and talk about personal matters, for many, it ends up being comforting to know that they are not alone in their struggles. This sense of community can provide hope for change and support during the often difficult change process.

Greenleaf is rolling out several different groups this fall, one of which may be right for you.

The Healthy Living Group, which meets Tuesdays from 6:30-8 P.M., is designed for people in recovery from an eating disorder, people who feel like they might be entering into disordered eating, and those who feel dissatisfied with their body after a life change or transition (e.g. menopause, post-pregnancy, etc.). This group will utilize a variety of interventions centered around the incorporation of mindfulness into eating, exercise, and the experience of the body and self. It will offer a supportive environment to facilitate wellness for life.

The Teen Stress Group, which meets Mondays from 4:30-6 P.M., is geared toward teens who are struggling academically and personally. The majority of teens report that they are over-stressed. A teen who is isolating, experiencing problems in school, showing mood instability or extreme irritability, or who is experiencing a change in appetite or sleep patterns may be a teen who needs the kind of help this group will provide. Help a teen you know avoid more severe problems like truancy, addiction, or even suicide, by referring them to Greenleaf for help.

Later this fall, Greenleaf will offer support and education groups for friends and family about Eating Disorders. More information will be provided closer to the start of the groups.

Interested in a group? Want to talk more about group therapy in general? Call or email Greenleaf today for your free 1-hour consultation to discuss your needs. 303-478-3466 or courtney@greenleafcc.com. We look forward to hearing from you!

Eating Disorder Foundation

2009-09-03T15:31:00.000-06:00

Millie and I went to such an inspiring event last night held by the Parent Committee of the Eating Disorder Foundation. It was a fundraiser for the Foundation, which was begun by Toni Saiber, who has inspired thousands of people with her openness about her own recovery from an eating disorder. Toni has poured so much for herself into the foundation, and her hard work is paying off in the foundation's growth and impact on the Colorado community and beyond. Check out their website - http://www.eatingdisorderfoundation.org/ - and look for their moving public service announcements and an upcoming film.

Seeing the screening of the Eating Disorder Foundation's public service announcements last night reminded me of the many people I have met and worked with struggling with an eating disorder, and the many I have met who have recovered and give back to others trying to move forward in their journey to health. I was also reminded of the people I knew who passed away from their disorder and the impact they had on my life and work. Eating disorders are the most deadly psychological disease. If you know someone struggling with an eating disorder, don't wait to help them find the care they need.

The Eating Disorder Foundation has both volunteer and donation opportunities. If eating disorders are an issue you are passionate about, get involved. There is much education, research, and activism left to be done.

2009-09-02T16:44:00.000-06:00

Ever been to therapy and felt like it wasn't worth your time or money? Maybe you found that despite many sessions, you got little relief from your symptoms. If you've had an experience like this, or if you've avoided trying therapy because you think it won't help, you've come to the right place with Greenleaf Counseling Center, LLC.

We are a practice devoted to helping individuals realize their potential through promoting recovery from concerns like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, family disputes, and relationship issues. We believe in empowering clients to find their own capacity to achieve lasting change and freedom from long-standing problems.

We are a different kind of counseling center. We believe in helping each person who walks through the door find the therapist that is right for them, wherever they may be located. We believe that therapy shouldn’t last forever. Change can be permanent, and with the right dose of nurturing and clinical expertise, we believe people can be liberated from problems they may have faced for many years. People seek services at Greenleaf for a variety of reasons. Regardless of why, when they come in they find the nonjudgmental support, unbiased ear, and honest feedback they need to take the control over their lives.

If you're hesitant, we understand. Come in for your free consultation, where you will be able to experience Greenleaf and see what it would be like to be a client. You can interview us, tell us what you're looking for, and we will be open about whether or not we can help. If we can't meet your needs adequately, we will help you find someone who can. That is our commitment to you.

Looking for group treatment? Groups can be a cost-effective, unique way to learn about yourself and how you interact with others. Greenleaf is beginning a Healthy Living Group this fall, which may be right for you if you've ever had an eating disorder and have continued concerns about your eating. The group will incorporate cutting edge treatment modalities and be an on-going source of support for you as you move forward in your journey with food and your body.

If you're interested in a free consultation, please visit our website - www.greenleafcc.com - or give us a call at 303-478-3466. We'd love to hear from you!