Thoughts on Teens & Social Media

Social media is a primary means for teens to connect in this day in time. Texting, Facebook, MySpace, and many (many!) other social networking modalities have begun to replace daily face to face interactions. Teens can transmit and receive thoughts and suggestions in an instant with the push of a button.

Unfortunately, our teenage years are the ones when our mood is most volatile due to raging hormones, and that thought we can receive or transmit in an instant can be the one that causes a rapid mood swing for better or for worse. We can say exactly what we're thinking in a public forum, and people react accordingly.

For teens, a benefit of social media can be that it takes the pressure off of a face to face interaction. There's no need to interpret body language or non-verbal signals, and teens can combat anxiety about how they look as their body changes by hiding behind a screen. Teens can also take a minute to pause before responding to an email or Facebook post, whereas a face to face interaction would demand an almost immediate response.

The problem is that most people, teens included, tend to have a rapid relationship with technology where they respond right away to texts, emails or posts instead of sitting with it to determine an appropriate response. Social networking sites can also contribute to a kind of "group think" where we are easily susceptible to following the opinions of others without taking our own values into consideration. Developmentally, our teenage years are about relying more on the influence of our peers than much of anything else. So what does this mean when a teen starts bullying another teen online? In a lot of situations, it means that their friends follow suit.

This generation of teens has more access to technology than any one before it, and I (Courtney) don't think we know the implications of that yet. However, with studies that indicate that teens are more likely to be depressed the more time they spend online and ones that show how common online predators are toward teens and children, it is important not to lose site of the value of technology-free times every single day, where we can connect with each other face to face, authentically.

Teen Challenges: Back to School

There are three schools along the route of my usual morning jog, and a few mornings a week now, I notice the mouth-watering smell of sausage permeating the air about 7AM. This can only mean one thing: school breakfast. My mother (Courtney) has been a teacher for almost thirty years, and so I am quite familiar with the smells of school breakfasts from many years of going early with her in the mornings (Super Donuts, anyone?). The new morning scent in my neighborhood is for me a sign that summer is over and the kids are back in the classroom.

Coming back to school after 12 weeks of freedom can be quite a challenge for many teens. They have gotten used to sleeping late, lots of time with friends, maybe a summer job, spending time alone if parents are working, and possibly even traveling. Not only can the work be a challenge, but peer relationships can blow up, negative behavior can escalate, and parents may wonder how to help support their teens in getting back on track if they derail right at the beginning.

Teens today face different challenges than any group of youth before them. Bullying happens not only in the hallways but also over Facebook, MySpace, and texting. Teens report escalating stress levels as it gets harder and harder to get into college, and teens also report stress as a result of the stress their parents feel over money, employment, and the current state of the economy. Schoolwork and standardized testing are getting more difficult and more common. In addition, puberty hits every teen at a different time, and sensing that they are early or late developers as they compare themselves to others can cause anguish and alienation. Not to mention drugs, alcohol, depression, self-harm, and many other types of negative behaviors.

Wow, I don’t miss being a teen.

All of these stresses and challenges can show up as slipping grades and behavior problems at school. Here are four ways parents can support their teen if they become aware of difficulties their teen is having at school:

1. Spend time with them. Make a conscious effort to make dates with your teen to do activities they enjoy, and be present while you’re with them. Teens don't want to be with their parents all the time, but most really enjoy having consistent activities together.

2. Get involved in your teen's school. Ask who their teachers are and what their favorite classes are this year. Be on a committee or in a booster club. Offer to help them find tutoring if they need it. Show your teen that you are there to support them academically and socially in the school environment.

3. Help your teen find extracurricular activities they enjoy. Encourage consistent connection with peers and healthy relationships.

4. Take care of yourself. If you are stressed or upset, your teen knows it. Try not to take out your negative emotions on your teen, but instead show them examples of both healthy relationships, positive activities, and healthy coping skills.

Parenting Class: How Every Parent Could Benefit

As a parent, it is easy to bristle at the well-meaning advice of others. One of the most rewarding and challenging life tasks, parenting can be a source of both pride and defensiveness in the face of judgment by another. This reality can be especially true when it comes to parenting a teen.

At Greenleaf, we see many teens and their families, and parents often come to us at a loss of how to handle their teen's sometimes challenging behavior. Parents struggle to understand the developmental needs and challenges of their teens and also their changing role as a parent during their child's teen years (e.g. from the authority to more of an advising, consultant role). As a parent, probably the most difficult thing in the world is to watch your child struggling and in pain, and for teens, this state is a regular occurrence as they search for identity, become increasingly peer-oriented, and make more and more decisions (and mistakes) for themselves.

Greenleaf is excited to be offering a six week class beginning September 19 for parents of teens in conjunction with the Kirk of Bonnie Brae Church (http://www.kirkofbonniebrae.org/KBBhomepage.htm). The class will offer information about teen development, specific parenting strategies for parents of teens (e.g. how to connect, keeping the peace in your home, etc.), birth order and sibling influence, temperament, and when to be concerned and what to do if you become concerned about your teen.

Even if your relationship with your teen is great (congratulations, by the way!), taking a parenting class can increase your understanding of your child and help you anticipate potential challenges down the road. Seeking the help of a parenting class doesn't mean you're a bad parent or that you've failed; instead, looking for help and guidance signifies your commitment to your child and a desire to keep your skills and knowledge sharp.

Teens are an enigma in general, and teens today face different challenges than any generation before them with technology and a changing world. How will you help equip your teen for adulthood? What are your dreams for your teen and how can you support them in achieving their own dreams? Is maintaining open communication and connection with your teen even possible?

We hope you will join us for the class to discuss these and many other topics. Please contact us about registration.